Change And Challenge

NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow and I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to write. I suppose that only adds to the challenge and it will be an even more satisfying victory when I do complete it. (Fingers crossed on that one.) Wish me luck!

Today is a somber sort of day. The sky is dark, the leaves are (mostly) fallen. It’s these little things in life that bring us the sort of contemplation we don’t always wish to acknowledge, but the kind we often most need to for growth.

Unsure who to credit
Unsure who to credit

In the rain, in the storms of life, that’s when we find out who we truly are.

ChangeI’m beginning to make it sound like I’m going through a rough patch, when, in fact, it’s the exact opposite. I’ve had moments of resisting the change, I’ve had moments I’ve embraced it, and I can tell you from experience, resisting does no good.

Change is a force outside of us, though it’s important that we look within to make sure that any changes made inside still hold true to who we’re meant to be.

Changes can help shape and refine us, provided that we’re willing to do the work within ourselves to smooth our rough edges.

Attitude has so much to do with it. great-attitude-quotes-thoughts-flat-tire-change-best-niceIt’s so important to remain positive even when we can’t see the way out. After all, we’re not going anywhere when we waste all of our time and energy wallowing in self-pity. Of course, there is a time and place for mourning, but that’s a different matter entirely.

So as I spend the day looking inside myself, I’m not happy with everything that I see. This is a great opportunity to weed out all the things I’ve allowed to overgrow and overtake me, and reclaim the person God intended for me to be.

Photo Credit Rose Hill Designs
Photo Credit Rose Hill Designs

I still look out my window and I am so grateful for the life I’m allowed to live. Although I’m different than I once was, and I’m different from who I’m going to be, I’m still happy to be who I am.

Challenges were not meant to overcome us or defeat us, they were meant to refine us. To make us better than we could have been otherwise.

ChallengeI’m very much looking forward to November–the last month of Autumn, the month of Thanksgiving, NaNoWriMo, the month of Christmas preparation, and all the other joys that come along with it. Goodbye, October. (Goodbye, gloom!) Welcome, November. I’m looking forward to sharing your happy face.

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Need To Save

Save

Ouch. This one hits close to home. As an INFJ, I feel the need to save everyone from everything, including themselves. I’m learning to let go, but it’s still something I’m struggling with and working on.

I need to find that balance and the middle ground where I can offer support and guidance when it’s asked for, without going overboard with it.

Discernment. That is what I’m praying for.

I’ve come to realize that some people are set on destroying themselves no matter how much I try to prevent it. I need to value myself enough to not allow it to get to me. Sometimes it’s like this painting.

LEVI WELLS PRENTICE (American, 1851-1935) Apples spilling out of a basket.
LEVI WELLS PRENTICE (American, 1851-1935)
Apples spilling out of a basket.

I only have so much to give. If I allow others to overwhelm and consume me, it only ends up emptying me of my resources. Then I don’t have enough to give to those I do have the ability to save.

By striving after those who are bent on destroying themselves, I’m doing a disservice to God, to myself, and (although I’m still trying to learn this) to others.

I’m then left feeling hollow and empty, with nothing to give, having wasted all that God intended for me to use for good. Feeling the weight of wasted potential, berating myself for how little good I’m doing in the world.

I’m coming to terms with it and learning to embrace all that I have the potential to be, instead of crying over spilled milk (or apples, in this case). It’s a tough lesson to learn. I’m focusing on trying to be the best version of me that I can be, and sometimes that means allowing myself to not feel bad for other people’s actions.

Do any of you struggle with letting people go? If you’ve overcome it, do you have any tips that make it easier?

Autumn Rain

Autumn_Rain
Photo Credit

There’s nothing quite so beautiful or peaceful as a walk in the autumn rain. I’ve always found the rain to be so filled with hope. Add the beauty of autumn and the cooler air, and nothing can compare to it.

I get excited for the changing seasons, yet I try to enjoy each one as it comes. Tonight was a perfect reminder of just how amazing this world is in which we live.

I’m so thankful to live in a place where I’m safe to walk outside. Where there are so many trees and colors. So many smells and amazing things to observe. I feel so blessed to be here tonight.

Many things are changing in my life. In many ways, I’m not sure what is coming next. I get so wrapped up in my own thoughts that sometimes I forget to venture outside. I need it though, it’s so refreshing.

Seasons change, but they always come back again. Sometimes a loss in life is not really a loss at all, sometimes it’s a new beginning. It is with that hope that I journey forward. I step outside myself, sit back, and take the time to just feel the rain.

Comfort Zones

Comfort Zone
Photo Credit

I did it! I met with someone and I didn’t die. (I just want to clarify, my apprehension does not have to do with being an introvert, or shy, or anything of the like. It’s also half sarcastic.)

It’s amazing how much I have a tendency to stress about the unknown. Sometimes overcoming those fears and stepping outside our comfort zones is exactly what is needed to help us grow.

I wish I had something profound and eloquent to add, but I don’t at the moment. I do, however, have a lot to think about, as usual. I’m taking this one step at a time. I’ve taken the first one, there are many more that need to follow, but sometimes that first one is the hardest.

Now, on to my list of things I’d like to get done… self-analyzing, critique, editing, yummy food, and perhaps a game of Scattergories with my husband.

Deadlines Are Creeping

Photo Credit
Photo Credit

Mmm… Chex with peanut butter and jelly. I’m eating it out of a ziplock bag with a plastic fork because, well, I didn’t want to dirty a bowl.

Sometimes I’m amazed at human laziness, my own included. Oh boy, NaNoWriMo is going to be interesting. I can do it though. I think. That’s all that really matters anyway, right? The power of the mind.

I think I’ve finally figured out what I’m going to be writing, though I have no idea what to call it. I’m still not 100% sure though. I guess I really need to get on that one.

I don’t get along well with deadlines.

Let me just start out by saying that I am very good about meeting them. While I was in school, I was homeschooled, I would sometimes get all my homework finished a week before it was due. Then, there were also those times where I’d have a mad rush the day before, or the very same morning, that an assignment was due. I always got it done though.

So deadlines aren’t a problem for me in the sense of meeting them. I do meet them. I just don’t like them very much.

Deadlines stress me out. I like having time to just do my own thing at my own pace to see where it goes. My mind sometimes locks on a topic and I can be really productive on that one task, but, if I were to switch, forget it. Nothing would happen and I’d just get frustrated because I have something else I want to focus on, and I couldn’t manage to focus on the task at hand.

That being said, there are times I’m good at forcing myself to buckle down and do something if I really need to.

I hear the clock ticking. I don’t have a clock in my house, so that’s a rather disturbing concept. Kinda sad, really, I like clocks.

For some reason, deadlines, even small ones, seem to paralyze me. I know that’s something I need to work on. I guess it comes down to living more in the moment. I’m terrible at that. Too focused on the future to care about the things I have when I have them. I hope I can get that under control before it destroys me.

Inferiors. Se. Pesky little devil. I still have a post about them that I will (hopefully) be posting soon.

I have a deadline that I hear creeping closer. Hidden in the shadows even though he’s made himself known. Time to face it head on I suppose!

Enjoy your afternoon!