I find myself lost in my world of ideas. Nothing productive, really, just thoughts. So many thoughts. It’s peaceful sometimes, I just feel bad for the others around me who aren’t getting the best of me.
I’ve been so out of it the past few days, pretty well ignoring the “real” world. My poor husband, he hasn’t eaten in days! (Okay, that’s not entirely true. I did make breakfast this morning, I just haven’t made lunch or dinner, and he does pretty well fending for himself.)
So I stand here making hot fudge to go over black raspberry ice cream. Still in a daze. (Of course, then I left the fudge to take a picture for this post… Which I’m not finished with, so I’ll post it some other time.)
I find it easy to detach from reality, though never entirely, just enough to prevent me from doing anything productive. I suppose that isn’t entirely true either, I’ve written some and edited pictures, made breakfast, dealt with some things online… But I’m a perfectionist. Good enough is, well, never good enough.
It’s times like this that I realize just how much I need to rely on God for His mercy and grace. Even though I may fail, or slack off on my responsibilities, He never will.
A song comes to mind from when I was a teenager.
Overwhelmed. Maybe that’s what I am. It’s so easy sometimes to be caught up in life and the stress of it all, which I suppose sounds contradictory compared to being lost in my own thoughts. They go hand in hand. Life throws me too much, I withdraw and my mind whirls around me.
The pressure gets to be too much. I feel myself wearing down, yet I’m unwilling to just take the time for myself that I need. Then my brain says, “Hey, you know what? Too bad, you’ll take the time whether you like it or not.”
I know I need to extend the same grace to myself as I would to others, I just feel so much responsibility sometimes. I have too many things I need to do. Or, too many things I convince myself I have to do.
I give in and allow the peace to wash over me.
I hear the voice inside me say, “Be still and know I’m here.” Always holding. Always protecting. If only I’d learn to trust.