It’s difficult for me to quantify what is most important to me. Truth, I suppose, would be an easy possibility; but I have a feeling there’s more to it than just that.
My mind has been working so hard the past few days. Processing, connecting, and figuring things out. I have a long way to go, but some new truths have been reveled to me that really change my perspective and outlook on some important decisions I’ve been making.
It’s like my mind explodes, everything is interconnected in some way, shape, or form, yet, it’s difficult to make sense of it enough to translate that to the outside world… Or even my internal one.
One of the things I’ve been thinking of is my photography. What am I doing with it? What are my goals? Am I accomplishing those goals? I’ve realized, I’m not fully on point with some of the most important messages I wish to explore. That’s something I’m going to need to change and work on. Primarily, I’m going to need to be a little more hopeful in the messages I convey.
Then there’s the issue of love, something that was brought up in church this past Sunday. Am I loving to the best of my ability? My instincts say no, yet I feel a little lost as to how to improve in that area. I guess I do know some of the steps I need to take, it’s just sometimes easier said than done.
There’s also the issue of family. What does that even mean? Is it about blood, or not. I’ve always said family is not about blood relation. I still hold to that, but maybe I take it a little too far. Maybe that’s something I will talk about at some point in the future.
Then there’s fear. I allow fear to dominate my life far more often than I ought. That’s definitely something I need to change. I’m taking steps in that direction, and, thankfully, I have a wonderful support team around me. (Even though I feel a little overwhelmed with people at times, I really am grateful for the relationships and the love I feel.)
Speaking of which, I had someone ask me out to lunch today. The fear and introversion in me shrinks back at the very idea of it. (Let’s face it, interacting with new people can be scary!) But I know it’s probably something I need to do. Face that fear, and step outside of my comfort zone. After all, we couldn’t have personal growth without a bit of a struggle. Anything worth doing is worth fighting for.
Anyway, that’s just a little glimpse into my thoughts lately. I know eventually my mind will calm down a little and I’ll sort this stuff out. For now, I’m just loving the journey and feeling privileged to explore all of these complexities.