I’m more than what they think they see.
Today I find hope. Today I find peace.
The realization washes over me. The rain and the storm outside, they fill my soul. I am wanted. I do belong.
When the fear is all you’ve known, it’s easy to take the blame. It’s easy to give in to the guilt and shame. Mind racing. Wondering. What could I have done differently? Maybe it’s all my fault. Maybe I need to say I’m sorry.
This feeling inside remains, it persists, guiding me to where I’ve always been. I’ve known the truth all along, I just didn’t want to admit it. Admitting it would be admitting to being at least a part of what they made me be.
I stand in the wilderness, surrounded now by all the things I’ve said, and lost. All the battles, the wars, the internal. Spewed from the ground and I feel it rising.
This hope in me. Somehow, I know I’m more than this.
I am not defined by words, by chance. I’m not defined by weakness or strength. I am me, and I’m somewhere in between.
I reach out and touch the rain, feeling it fill me.
The sun comes up, and I know I’m home again.
A place where I can feel safe. Where the walls that I’ve built up, somehow dissolve and manage to protect me.