Hope In The Rain

I’m more than what they think they see.

Today I find hope. Today I find peace.

Rain
Photo from this post

The realization washes over me. The rain and the storm outside, they fill my soul. I am wanted. I do belong.

When the fear is all you’ve known, it’s easy to take the blame. It’s easy to give in to the guilt and shame. Mind racing. Wondering. What could I have done differently? Maybe it’s all my fault. Maybe I need to say I’m sorry.

This feeling inside remains, it persists, guiding me to where I’ve always been. I’ve known the truth all along, I just didn’t want to admit it. Admitting it would be admitting to being at least a part of what they made me be.

I stand in the wilderness, surrounded now by all the things I’ve said, and lost. All the battles, the wars, the internal. Spewed from the ground and I feel it rising.

This hope in me. Somehow, I know I’m more than this.

I am not defined by words, by chance. I’m not defined by weakness or strength. I am me, and I’m somewhere in between.

I reach out and touch the rain, feeling it fill me.

The sun comes up, and I know I’m home again.

Home.

A place where I can feel safe. Where the walls that I’ve built up, somehow dissolve and manage to protect me.

 

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