Photo taken from this post.
Photo taken from this post.

It’s hard to maintain balance when you have two sides warring within you. It’s even harder to reconcile their differences to see that maybe they’re not meant to be at war at all.

I’m an INFJ, my husband is an INTP.

So, as a reminder, my function stack is Ni-Fe-Ti-Se. My husband’s is Ti-Ne-Si-Fe.

The tug of war between dominants and inferiors has become increasingly more obvious in both my husband and myself recently. Maybe it’s an age thing, it probably is, but it’s gotten us thinking and talking about the matter quite frequently.

My husband makes decisions about outside relationships without applying logic to the situation because he feels that people are fundamentally illogical. I say that it’s not just about doing what other people want whenever they want it, you have to have balance in your own life as well.

He does acknowledge that on some level that must be true, but it’s impossible for him to distinguish the two within himself. He says that if logic or thought are used in terms of relationships, then it’s just cold and heartless. I disagree.

There have been some even greater issues on my part. I crave depth in relationships and experiences. I have a hard time balancing what is and isn’t important (in my frame of reference).

Basically, I’ve reached the point in life where, if it’s not working toward some greater goal, then I’m completely and utterly wasting time. That means no fun, no relaxing, and so much pressure put on myself (and others) to always be working.

So in his case, he relies on his inferior to make decisions, and in mine, I disregard it entirely.

Except of course, it doesn’t end there for me. I also have times where I’m in the grip and do, or want to do, all kinds of crazy stuff, or go and blow money like it’s growing on trees. Metaphorical ones, of course because they’re so much more fun than real ones. Sometimes I obsess over food, or what I’m going to wear, or any number of things.

I come out of it feeling so superficial and berating myself for “wasting” time on any of those things.

We were talking about these issues in life, and then it clicked. Inferiors. That’s what it is.

My Fe-Ti are next to each other. They work together.

His N and S are next to each other. There’s balance.

I think that self-realization is probably the single most important factor in overcoming anything within ourselves. We can’t do anything about the problem if we don’t know what, or why, it is.

This gives us an opportunity to be aware of ourselves, and maybe a little more patient with each other. Hopefully this information can improve the general well-being of our relationship, our lives, and each of us individually.

Have any of you noticed any dominant/inferior separation struggles or imbalance?


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