It’s a perfect day, all cozy inside, with chai green tea and writing my second draft while listening to Cyra Morgan. I know it won’t always be this way, but for this moment, I soak it all in and enjoy the warmth inside my home, the peace that wraps its arms around me, and the hope that fills my heart.
For a long time I’ve allowed things and people outside of myself destroy my peace and hope. I’ve felt devoid of life, hopeless as though my future had slipped away, never to return.
I savor the moments I can just be. Today being one of them. Right here. Right now. The storms may rage around me, but the storms won’t last forever. For this moment, I am safe.
This past week was filled with discovery and understanding. I still battle the fear, but I now know that maybe, that fear doesn’t help me. Maybe, that fear is unjustified, even if it is understandable. Maybe, that fear is what limits me.
I worry so much about the future sometimes, that I forget to step outside the situation. Things are such a big deal in my mind that it never occurs to me that I might have the ability to say “no.”
I’m still learning to stand up for myself. Still learning to set boundaries and not do everything that others ask of me. I’ve been caught up, worrying more about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. And it’s torn me down.
My husband and I are closing one chapter, moving into another. The struggles and habits are still there, it will take time to break. There’s still fear, but maybe we can fight it now.
I start by being myself again. Even if only in small moments. These moments by myself, where I can get lost in a world of my own, only to come back to a more positive reality.