Memories

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I’ve spent the first half of my day going through old writings and pictures. There are so many ways in which I’ve changed, and so many I’ve stayed the same.

It’s important to note that I’m not entirely proud of my time management skills. However, I think there are some important lessons I needed to learn.

I really have a lot to process right now. I’m not entirely sure where this will all lead. But there is at least one area in which it gave me peace.

I had kept an encrypted journal throughout highschool and a couple years after. I decided the other day to go back and read over some of it, but it turns out that I had forgotten the password.

I was really upset about it at the time, but now I’m wondering if maybe it was a blessing in disguise. I don’t know that I want to go back and read everything I was thinking at that time, maybe it’s better to just let it fade away. Stored somewhere in the recesses of my mind, just as memories have been for centuries.

I haven’t fully decided yet whether I’m okay with letting go, because I feel that there are important lessons to learn and self-awareness to be found in those pages, but I’m also accepting it in a way as God’s blessing, meeting me where I am.

For all I know, I might not be able to handle it right now. Maybe someday I’ll remember that password, but for now, I’m trusting that I need to do this journey without the assistance of my younger self. God’s revealed a weakness in me that I’d rely more on myself than on Him. That needs to change.

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