Where I Find Myself

I love the sun, the blue sky, the warmth, and the breeze that envelops me. I’m consistently amazed at how the weather can lift one’s spirits and breathe life into an otherwise dried and weary soul. It creates a connection, yet a little bubble in which I can wander freely without worry or fear.

bubble

Sometimes I wonder where the line is drawn between humility and self-criticism. Maybe thinking there’s a clear and distinct line means that I’m looking at it wrong.

It’s hard to say really where one ends and the other begins. Outwardly, don’t they look nearly the same? Although I know they do not. I can clearly point to others and say when I feel that they are being critical, and when they’re being humble.

My own emotions are much harder for me to understand. There are so many times where I will feel something, not realizing that I’m actually feeling the emotions of someone else around me.

I appreciate this ability sometimes, but sometimes I also wonder why the chameleon personality. It’s easier for me to distinguish the feelings of others than it is for me to understand my own.

Is this immaturity? Perhaps a need that I’ve been searching to be filled, when maybe, the answer is in the still and quiet, when I’m here alone.

I think sometimes that’s part of the reason I like alone time so much, it’s the one time that I can (almost) be clear of other people’s feelings enough to understand my own.

Any other INFJs experience anything similar?

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3 thoughts on “Where I Find Myself

  1. I rejected the first boy who ever asked me to be his girlfriend. What I said still makes me go, “What?” I told him he didn’t know me. He said he liked my personality. I told him I didn’t have a personality. (Seriously, what?) I just absorbed the characteristics of my friends – or something like that. I’m not sure if I knew the word “characteristic” yet. Part of my reaction to him was simply trying to get out of it without hurting his feelings, but I wonder at the part where I said I didn’t have my own personality. I think I actually believed it to some degree.

    These days I’m more independent, but I still find myself being adaptable at times. The best way I know to find where my environment ends and I begin is to write: “Apart from what is influencing me, this is who I am.”

    The benefit of being so highly adaptable, for me, is that I learn at the speed of sound! I can delve into the mind and matter of a situation and come to conclusions faster than most people can figure out what’s going on. I laugh during movies a second before anyone else does. I can become an expert at using new software within a few days. Oh, and I can show people how to do their jobs better even after they’ve been doing it 40 years. That one gets me in trouble though 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love the idea of writing this, “Apart from what is influencing me, this is who I am.” Writing has definitely helped me to figure things out. It’s about the only thing that will. Do you find that writing in general helps you make that distinction? I’m still trying to figure out what works best…

      I’ve had the same experience about catching on quickly, but then I’ve also had times where it’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to get something completely obvious. Haha

      Thank you for sharing your experience. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Who I am comes out best when I write, yes. Seeing my thoughts in black and white has revealed more wayward ideas than any counselor or friend has been able to pinpoint. When I validate my ruminating with thoughtfulness and consideration and compassion, I find I can move past it. Until then it festers and picks away at my emotions.

    I’ve been surprised how many times I find the thoughts that plague me are simply lies. “That’s not true,” comes up a lot when I write. Speaking truth into my situation heals more than anything. It confirms who I am.

    Liked by 1 person

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