The sun sets behind the trees in a beautiful golden color. The branches stand out in darkened contrast. I think of my life, my thoughts, they are tangled, just like the trees.
I went on a walk with my husband earlier, as the sun was beginning to go down. We had a really great conversation that really got me thinking and analyzing a lot of things.
That’s one of the things I’ve always loved about him, we have some very interesting, in depth discussions.
When we got back I saw this article about handling toxic people. It made me realize that maybe I’ve come a lot further than I realized, and also pointed out some flaws in my thinking and ways of approaching situations that really need to change.
Some points really stood out to me. In point #3: “Quit trying to beat them at their own game.” I tried that for a long time. Let me tell you, it never worked. Ever. Toxic people have so much more experience at the game than you ever will, and, well, they keep changing the rules whenever you decide to play along.
And in point #8: “Forgiveness requires letting go of what’s happened so that you can move on. It doesn’t mean you’ll give a wrongdoer another chance.” Forgiveness is a tricky thing for me. I’ve been caught in the trap of believing that if I forgive, I have to act like everything’s okay.
Actually, if I’m honest, there’s more to it than that. I’m afraid that if I forgive, that I will take down the walls and let them in. I don’t want to allow people in who will drag mud through my mind, clouding my vision, and well, just messing everything up.
That’s where boundaries come in. That’s probably one of the things I struggle with the most. I tend to want to give people chances. I’m quiet and reserved, but I tend to trust people’s ability to change. Even though, consciously, I know it’s virtually impossible.
I feel like I have a starting point to step over that edge and begin my life. It’s not entirely related to the article, but I’m feeling a strange sense of hope, accompanied with apprehension, but hope nonetheless.
I’m so thankful for conversations, for a safe place, for encouragement, and for all of you. I know God has a plan through all of this, and it’s so encouraging to me to see how far He’s brought me, even when I’ve been unable to see it.
I’ll end with a song I’ve been listening to. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.