To Dive Deep

I have been caught up in such a crazy whirlwind the past few weeks. It’s been terrifying at times, exhilarating at others. On the waves and storms of life, that’s where we find ourselves.

There’s a great bit to be said about those silent moments when we realize we’ve been neglecting the very essence of who we are. If we can dive into the peace and the calm, we will discover things we never knew were there.

I’ve gone deep into these thoughts and feelings. I’ve sorted many things out, and have been left completely bewildered by others. In that realm where our deepest desires lie, we begin to understand what it means to be alive.

To live, and to feel, is something spectacular, only to be seen by those who are truly willing to chase it.

I remained hidden so long because I was afraid. Afraid of facing my own thoughts, my own feelings. I was afraid of facing the truth. The truth isn’t nearly as scary as it sounds, though difficult to accept at times.

I’ve had some wonderful people around me, and I value them deeply, I truly do, but some journeys are meant to be traveled alone. I’d lost sight of that, resorting to dependency and dysfunctional thought patterns.

I was afraid to be alone because I was afraid to feel, and I was afraid to find that I could no longer feel. Afraid of the pain, afraid of the apathy. But what I found was so much more liberating than that. There is joy, and pain, and apathy, all rolled into one, but I’m going to be okay.

In the chaos of this all I’d forgotten me, but in the mess is where I found myself. It feels good to breathe again. Hope is never lost.

As I endeavor to pick the pieces up I’m reminded of what they mean in the first place. Those pieces are what make me whole. Each one carries with it a significance and value. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that.

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