I’m learning that life doesn’t always go according to plan. Newsflash, right? Maybe that’s what trust is all about… It’s not just about enjoying the good times, but about holding to faith even in the bad.
We don’t often know how this life is going to turn out, but we can have faith in a God who does. There are so many unpredictables. So many things that could go wrong, but also so many things that could go right.
I’m slowly learning to let go. I’ve held such a tight grip on my life for so long now. I suppose I grew up that way. I always had to be independent. I usually liked it, it worked well for me. But sometimes I wonder if that’s the best way.
I’ve learned to put so much faith and trust in myself that the idea of handing things over to God seems nearly unbearable. I learned today that I’ve been trying to form my own reality, one that isn’t quite in line with God’s.
I just want to make people happy, unfortunately, I’ve sacrificed some morals and values to do so. It’s torn me up for a long time now. I used to think that it was because I was confused. I didn’t know right from wrong. But I was wrong.
I deceived myself because the idea of admitting that I cannot control and dictate right from wrong was so… I don’t know what the word is. But I felt vulnerable. I thought that if I could pick and choose what I wanted to believe to be true, then maybe I could get away with it.
I really don’t know why I’m saying this right now. Maybe someone out there needs to hear it. If it’s you, I’m praying for you.
Now I’m left in a place wondering how I can ever bridge the gap I’ve created between me and God, but that’s wrong too. I don’t have the power to bridge that gap, only Jesus does.
Maybe that’s what trust is, it’s knowing that He is the only way. And He loves us.
I’ve put faith in my own power. I learned the lesson a long time ago that I am not strong enough, but in Him, there is strength. In the weak and hollow places, that’s where we can look up and find hope. The light is shining, but sometimes our own darkness is too safe, too familiar for us to want to see it.
I’m climbing out of the forest.