The Only One

Sometimes I feel like the only one. Isolated and alone. There’s a difference between being alone and feeling alone. There are some days that come and it’s hard to imagine anyone else in the world understanding my perspective and where I’m coming from.

I try to speak and my thoughts are turned into a gargled mess when others alter my perception with their own. I know they’re just trying to understand, but sometimes that process makes me feel even more misunderstood. Something that I thought was obvious can make everyone else stare at me with confusion.

The blessing and curse of an INFJ: understanding, but not being understood.

If I’m being honest, though, I don’t always understand as well as I’d like to think I do. Sometimes I project my own views and perspectives onto others and expect them to feel the same. (I’ll write a post on that at some point in the future.) Then other times I just absorb everyone else’s emotions and I can’t distinguish them from my own.

Ignorance is bliss, and sometimes knowing more can make everything else seem so shallow and meaningless. There are specific situations at play here, it’s not just a general concept.

I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I’m not. I know that. I just crave a depth and intimacy that most people don’t seem to understand. The disconnect seems really pronounced right now.

It’s one of those nights when I feel like the only one.

Busy Introvert Days

I love my church, I really do, but some Sundays I’m left completely worn out and exhausted. Today is one of those days.

I just want to crash on the couch, curl up with a blanket and a cup of tea, and fall asleep… Alone. I don’t even want to watch a movie or read a book, characters are still people. Maybe that’s a bit extreme, but it’s where I am right now.

There are days when I’m happy if plans are cancelled, there are times I schedule out for just doing nothing. If I’m at an event or party, I tend to stay toward the edge. I hate being the center of attention. I tend to be more quiet and reserved. What’s important to note is that these are all symptoms; they are not the cause itself.

I’ve found there to be a lot of confusion on what it means to be an introvert or an extrovert. Everyone has a bit of both. In fact, we need that in order to live balanced lives. Before we approach the topic, we need to understand that. There’s far too much focus on what people do, or what activities they enjoy, but that’s not the distinction between extroversion and introversion.

Being around people — even people I care about and feel comfortable with– drains me. This is what makes me an introvert.

It’s not about how I feel or what I do. It’s about how I gain energy, how I expend energy. It’s how we recharge.

Now, there are certain preferences that seem more common among one group or another, but it’s a little inaccurate to make a judgement over the enjoyment of an activity.

Introversion and extroversion are preferences. It’s an issue of which we lead with, not the sole determiner of who we are. We all need a little bit of both. We all naturally have a little bit of both. That’s where MBTI comes in… Along with all the wonderful nuances it holds. But that is a different topic for a different day.

For now, I’m just going to sit on the couch and spend some nice quality time alone.

I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend.

Clutter And Cleaning Out

So I just read this article on Apartment Therapy about… clutter, I suppose we’ll say. Surprisingly, I’m doing pretty good on most of the items. But yes, I do need 3 teapots. Don’t tell me I don’t need three of them. Tea is important. And so are the pots we make it in. They’re gorgeous!

I do have some qualms about the towels… Using the same towel for a week? That just doesn’t seem sanitary to me. But I don’t know, maybe I’m a freak. I like clean towels.

And books, there’s just something about the paper… I don’t want to replace my books with a Kindle. Books aren’t just about practicality, it’s about the look, the feel, the paper, the stories that are made real.

I do have a weakness for office supplies… but I’m honestly not doing too bad at the moment, shockingly enough. I suppose it’s because they’re just too expensive and I simply cannot afford them at the moment. Not too many extras, anyway.

I try to keep clutter to a minimum, though I do have a tendency to be a pack rat and there are a few items I love too much to part with for the sake of cleanliness (books, teapots, other vintage things). I can’t say I’ll be doing any overhauling anytime soon. But maybe I don’t have to feel so bad about that.

How are you doing on that list?

Sunshine Award

First off, thank you Tara for nominating me for the Sunshine award. It has taken me entirely too long to respond to this, so I would also like to apologize. It is such an honor to be nominated for an award and I’m so happy that others enjoy reading what I’ve written.

Sunshine Award

Instead of following the traditional rules, I’m giving this award to anyone who would like to accept it! 🙂

Here are my answers to Tara’s questions:

1. What is one thing you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t done yet?

Watch the sun rise on the east coast and set on the west coast… in the same day.

2. Where do you get the inspiration for your blogging?

From my everyday life and my thoughts about those things.

3. What is the most rewarding part of your blogging?

The community. There are some truly incredible people I’ve found through this blog and I’ve enjoyed sharing with them(you) and reading bits of their(your) stories.

4. Where does your joy come from?

Creativity. Art. Writing. Music. Rain. God speaks through so many things. 🙂

 

If any of these questions interest you, I’d love to see your answers!