Sometimes I feel like the only one. Isolated and alone. There’s a difference between being alone and feeling alone. There are some days that come and it’s hard to imagine anyone else in the world understanding my perspective and where I’m coming from.
I try to speak and my thoughts are turned into a gargled mess when others alter my perception with their own. I know they’re just trying to understand, but sometimes that process makes me feel even more misunderstood. Something that I thought was obvious can make everyone else stare at me with confusion.
The blessing and curse of an INFJ: understanding, but not being understood.
If I’m being honest, though, I don’t always understand as well as I’d like to think I do. Sometimes I project my own views and perspectives onto others and expect them to feel the same. (I’ll write a post on that at some point in the future.) Then other times I just absorb everyone else’s emotions and I can’t distinguish them from my own.
Ignorance is bliss, and sometimes knowing more can make everything else seem so shallow and meaningless. There are specific situations at play here, it’s not just a general concept.
I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I’m not. I know that. I just crave a depth and intimacy that most people don’t seem to understand. The disconnect seems really pronounced right now.
It’s one of those nights when I feel like the only one.
Such a wonderful reminder of humility and truth.
I love my church, I really do, but some Sundays I’m left completely worn out and exhausted. Today is one of those days.
I just want to crash on the couch, curl up with a blanket and a cup of tea, and fall asleep… Alone. I don’t even want to watch a movie or read a book, characters are still people. Maybe that’s a bit extreme, but it’s where I am right now.
There are days when I’m happy if plans are cancelled, there are times I schedule out for just doing nothing. If I’m at an event or party, I tend to stay toward the edge. I hate being the center of attention. I tend to be more quiet and reserved. What’s important to note is that these are all symptoms; they are not the cause itself.
I’ve found there to be a lot of confusion on what it means to be an introvert or an extrovert. Everyone has a bit of both. In fact, we need that in order to live balanced lives. Before we approach the topic, we need to understand that. There’s far too much focus on what people do, or what activities they enjoy, but that’s not the distinction between extroversion and introversion.
Being around people — even people I care about and feel comfortable with– drains me. This is what makes me an introvert.
It’s not about how I feel or what I do. It’s about how I gain energy, how I expend energy. It’s how we recharge.
Now, there are certain preferences that seem more common among one group or another, but it’s a little inaccurate to make a judgement over the enjoyment of an activity.
Introversion and extroversion are preferences. It’s an issue of which we lead with, not the sole determiner of who we are. We all need a little bit of both. We all naturally have a little bit of both. That’s where MBTI comes in… Along with all the wonderful nuances it holds. But that is a different topic for a different day.
For now, I’m just going to sit on the couch and spend some nice quality time alone.
I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend.