The Only One

Sometimes I feel like the only one. Isolated and alone. There’s a difference between being alone and feeling alone. There are some days that come and it’s hard to imagine anyone else in the world understanding my perspective and where I’m coming from.

I try to speak and my thoughts are turned into a gargled mess when others alter my perception with their own. I know they’re just trying to understand, but sometimes that process makes me feel even more misunderstood. Something that I thought was obvious can make everyone else stare at me with confusion.

The blessing and curse of an INFJ: understanding, but not being understood.

If I’m being honest, though, I don’t always understand as well as I’d like to think I do. Sometimes I project my own views and perspectives onto others and expect them to feel the same. (I’ll write a post on that at some point in the future.) Then other times I just absorb everyone else’s emotions and I can’t distinguish them from my own.

Ignorance is bliss, and sometimes knowing more can make everything else seem so shallow and meaningless. There are specific situations at play here, it’s not just a general concept.

I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I’m not. I know that. I just crave a depth and intimacy that most people don’t seem to understand. The disconnect seems really pronounced right now.

It’s one of those nights when I feel like the only one.

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11 thoughts on “The Only One

  1. “I just crave a depth and intimacy that most people don’t seem to understand. The disconnect seems really pronounced right now.”

    Amen!!!!! …and that’s the reason I tend to overshare, telling people on first dates that I’m a virgin, or on second dates about my broken engagement, or random coworkers how I really feel about this big, bureaucratic company we work for… I overshare because I want to CONNECT! I am willing to be vulnerable and go deep because I need to have meaningful connections with people. Otherwise, I feel dead.

    You’re not alone. I hear you. And you’re a blessing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you!! I can definitely relate to that. I think it’s also a way to quickly determine who’s willing to go there and who isn’t. But the feeling dead… So true.

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      1. Yes, I’d rather face their rejection than their superficiality.

        I would rather overshare and be vulnerable in an effort to connect – and be thought weird or a fool – than suffer through a surface-level conversation where we are all just going through the motions of human interaction.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. “The blessing and curse of an INFJ: understanding, but not being understood.”
    From an INTJ perspective, I can relate. Sometimes I feel like the elephant being handled by different people who each think he (or she) has grasped the whole of me when all they really know is just one piece. And I know that I am, to a large part, to blame for not letting them know that there is more to me. At times I feel lonely and rejected. And at times I’m glad to be alone.
    Thank you for your post. J.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for commenting. πŸ™‚ Maybe it’s a dominant Ni thing. Loneliness, rejection, and feeling misunderstood never feels good, even when you like to be alone. I find comfort in knowing there’s more to me than just what people see.

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      1. Forgive a silly thought, but when I first read your reply (“maybe it’s a dominant Ni thing.”) my thoughts went immediately to Monty Python and the knights who say “Ni!” Maybe that’s our role in the world–to say Ni to all the others who just don’t get us. J.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad I was able to write something that resonated with you. I don’t want others to feel that alone, but it helps knowing that there are people out there who understand. If I can help anyone through feeling that way then it makes it all worth it. Thank you for your comment. ❀ Have a wonderful day. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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