When I Want To Belong

hiker-forest-girl

What I want most is one place where I can unify everything that I am, and be as open or as closed off as I like… Preferably a safe place where I can share my heart, my joys, my pains, my life… I don’t really have that anywhere.

I’m searching, but I’m not always finding. There are places that come close, but nothing is complete. I find this deep longing for something more. Something that reaches in and satisfies this part of me.

Several weeks ago I went through my Facebook page and realized that I miss what I had there. I did share a lot about myself, things I found funny, or interesting, thoughts and lyrics, photos and even little bits of writings. It’s not a safe place anymore.

I have people on my friends list (who I have to keep there) that I’m not comfortable sharing my life or thoughts, or myself with. There are people who judge me and condemn me. There are people who act like I’m a joke.

It hurts to see a community I once had completely fall apart. I think what INFJ’s want most in this world is to be understood and to belong. Not everywhere, not all the time, but we want a place to call our own. I used to have that. Now I don’t.

This blog is such an important outlet for me. I’ve found such a warm and welcoming community, and I’m attempting to build a community in my life again. But I’m also a little uncertain how to do that. I’ve learned to close off (and I’ve always been a private person) because it was my only way to survive.

Facebook used toΒ  be my platform. I don’t think I was one of those people spamming everyone else constantly, but I was more open and I did share bits of my life in a way I simply couldn’t now.

It seems the older I get, the more immature I feel. I feel like I’m sliding backwards, slipping into the black oblivion. Certain events really shook me up, and I’ve weathered a great storm that isn’t fully over yet. I keep waiting, and hoping, and praying, but deep down inside, I want connections. I want a place to call my home.

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20 thoughts on “When I Want To Belong

  1. I totally agree. I find Facebook has become really impersonal. It’s gotten to the point where I’m considering deleting my Facebook because it isn’t worth it any more. I also love this blogging community, so many warm and welcoming people. I’m so happy I got to meet you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve been considering deleting mine as well. It just isn’t what it used to be.
      And now there are all these weird social implications to everything on it… From who you’re friends with, to what things you do (or even don’t) post. Like you said in your post on friendship, it’s like middle/high school all over again.

      And I’m so happy I got to meet you too! I’m so thankful for this blogging community. It’s wonderful to connect like this. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, its a shame it became that way because initially it was a great way to reconnect and share things with friends. I’ve been trying to cut out negative influences in my life in order to create a more positive and uplifting environment for myself. So I think Facebook will have to go haha.

        I love the connection and warmth of this community πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I agree. It was a great place to share with the people in our lives. Now there are just too many rules and obligations around it. It’s amazing how much of an influence even your virtual environment can have. I hope you’re successful in creating that uplifting environment in your life! πŸ™‚

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  2. I can deeply relate to this. Blogging is truly a space to let go of all the thoughts in my mind. I deleted my personal facebook a few months ago, because I didn’t realise how much it was causing clutter in my life in small and big ways. Thank you for sharing such an insightful post. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading. I’m glad it resonated with you, though it can be such a painful feeling sometimes. I’m glad you realized the clutter Facebook was causing in your life and were able to cut that out. I’m not completely ready for that step, but I’ve been so close many times. Thanks again for stopping by! Have a wonderful day! πŸ™‚

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  3. I don’t know which would be worse: to have had that community and lost it, or to never have had it at all. I think to have it and then find it crumbling apart would be worse though. I am so sorry you lost that. Maybe there should be an “INFJbook,” haha.

    In the meantime, I hope you find bits of joy and peace throughout your journey to finding a place in which you are understood. It really is difficult to feel so different and misunderstood and alone so much of the time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’d definitely sign up for that! Haha, Just let me know when it’s there! But, for now, blogging works quite well. πŸ™‚ I love this community and all the lovely people, like yourself, who I’ve connected with.

      I guess being different, misunderstood and alone is just part of being an INFJ. It’s good to know there are others out there. Sometimes I’m envious of others who seem to have an easier time of it, though there are also many blessings that I wouldn’t trade even though parts of who I am cause me pain. I’m exactly who God created me to be, so there has to be a reason.

      Thank you so much for your comment and taking the time to read. πŸ™‚

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  4. I’ve been blogging on WordPress since spring of this year, and I love the community I have found here. Now I go days without checking Facebook, let alone posting on Facebook. Thank you, Pearlgirl, for being part of my virtual world. J.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Nodded in agreement while I read this :). I’ve felt the same…
    Fb isn’t quite what it used to be back when I started in it. It’s ok but for real writing and connecting about interests outside the norm, it doesn’t seem to be supportive of those things…
    I don’t remember where but there used to be a site where you could create your own forums :). I was part of one for awhile but it dissipated. That’s an idea maybe (? ). Just thinking outloud :). I hope you find that place… β™‘ :), I certainly know what you mean! πŸ™‚

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    1. I’m sure that forum was a wonderful place! Facebook has definitely changed over the years. It seems as though people share every random detail about their lives, yet hardly ever share anything personal. I’ve found some connections elsewhere (like this blog) but it’s not as easy to find that with people in real life. I hope you find your place as well! πŸ™‚

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. Have a wonderful day! πŸ™‚

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  6. I have been blogging a little over a year and I’m impressed with the community of people I have found here as well. I’ve never had any comments on my blog that were hurtful. I’ve had so many great comments from truly thoughtful people. I relate to your comment on being a private person to protect yourself, I’ve been doing that most of my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve experienced the same, though I’ve been blogging just under a year. Everyone here is so loving and supportive. It’s wonderful to have this place to truly express who we are, and have people respond in a kind and genuine way. πŸ™‚ Thank you for your comment, and have a fantastic day! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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