I need to get used to people only seeing one side of me. I have many sides, but I typically only show one of them to others at a time.
Once my group identity is established, I tend to stick to it and keep the other aspects of my personality and who I am hidden.
This probably makes me seem pretty boring to most people. But hey, what else am I to do?
It’s not always a purposeful action. I guess sometimes it’s just easier that way. I want to be known, but I’m afraid to be seen. So I keep my distance and only show one side of myself. I suppose I figure it would make things too complicated to be fully me.
There are times when it really bothers me that I don’t have any place to be whole. I’m just a bunch of scattered pieces. If you ask one person who or what I am, they’d give an entirely different answer than another person. Though, I suppose my image is constant and consistent in a given group.
I have a few special and sacred relationships in which I am more fully me. I value those friendships more than anything. It’s so rare to let anyone see in, I guess I really value those who do.
I want to be complete, but I don’t really know how. I’m not trying to be dishonest or deceptive, but sometimes I feel like I am. Then I feel horrible about myself for being that way. Sometimes I’m just looking for a place to belong.