Managing expectations. Sometimes it’s so easy to just go along with other people to help them to feel better… Or to make us feel better. It’s natural to want to be accepted, but far too often we change who we really are to please others.
That mask is like plastic wrap, we suffocate and rot beneath the surface. We convince ourselves that it’s okay because other people are happy with our decisions, but are we?
We’re the ones who have to live our lives. We have to be with ourselves constantly, never catching a break. Shouldn’t we make sure that we’re happy with who we are? What a miserable existence otherwise.
I’ve been a people pleaser. I’ve tried too hard to make people like me, it’s a destructive pattern that I’m trying to break out of. It isn’t easy, but I do know that it’s worth it.
As an INFJ, I can’t stand to see people upset, and I can’t stand conflict. Far too often it’s easy to just fall into going along with what others want or expect from me, without ever giving myself enough of a break or a say in my own life.
I’ve found that often it comes down to honesty. We need to be kind and loving, but we do need to set boundaries and manage others expectations. Isn’t it more unkind to lead others on to believe that we’ll do something that we have no intention of following through with?
Granted, it’s one of those things that could cause arguments, so somethings it’s easier to just agree and deal with the consequences later on… so I’m still unsure exactly how to go about doing things. But I know that something must be done.
I’m hoping that these realizations will help me stand up for myself more than I have in the past. I’ve allowed others to walk all over me and control my future and destiny when they really weren’t all too invested in it in the first place.
Why do I let others control me who don’t really even care about me?
I need to know the why.
I’m learning to be more confident in myself. It’s a process and it will take time, but I’ve come such a long way from where I was.