Be Who You Want To Be

Image Found on Facebook
Image Found on Facebook

Managing expectations. Sometimes it’s so easy to just go along with other people to help them to feel better… Or to make us feel better. It’s natural to want to be accepted, but far too often we change who we really are to please others.

That mask is like plastic wrap, we suffocate and rot beneath the surface. We convince ourselves that it’s okay because other people are happy with our decisions, but are we?

We’re the ones who have to live our lives. We have to be with ourselves constantly, never catching a break. Shouldn’t we make sure that we’re happy with who we are? What a miserable existence otherwise.

I’ve been a people pleaser. I’ve tried too hard to make people like me, it’s a destructive pattern that I’m trying to break out of. It isn’t easy, but I do know that it’s worth it.

As an INFJ, I can’t stand to see people upset, and I can’t stand conflict. Far too often it’s easy to just fall into going along with what others want or expect from me, without ever giving myself enough of a break or a say in my own life.

I’ve found that often it comes down to honesty. We need to be kind and loving, but we do need to set boundaries and manage others expectations. Isn’t it more unkind to lead others on to believe that we’ll do something that we have no intention of following through with?

Granted, it’s one of those things that could cause arguments, so somethings it’s easier to just agree and deal with the consequences later on… so I’m still unsure exactly how to go about doing things. But I know that something must be done.

I’m hoping that these realizations will help me stand up for myself more than I have in the past. I’ve allowed others to walk all over me and control my future and destiny when they really weren’t all too invested in it in the first place.

Why do I let others control me who don’t really even care about me?

Why?

I need to know the why.

I’m learning to be more confident in myself. It’s a process and it will take time, but I’ve come such a long way from where I was.

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6 thoughts on “Be Who You Want To Be

  1. This post really resonates with me. I am a people-pleaser too, and I realized last year once I started getting really bad anxiety over the constant pressure to avoid conflict and to make so many different people happy that it was time to change. Because when you are trying that hard, you aren’t happy, so how can you make others happy? It’s so important to take time for yourself to do what you love, and it’s something I still struggle with but I’m getting better. I wish you all the best in finding happiness through taking care of yourself 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww… I know that feeling all too well. I think that the realization that we aren’t doing anyone else any good by sacrificing our own happiness definitely helps make it a little easier to take it seriously.
      I’m glad you’re working on it and seeing the positive side in taking care of yourself. 🙂 Thank you for your comment. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so true. I think most INFJ’s live in a state of limbo between pleasing others and being untrue to oneself, or being true to oneself and possibly not pleasing others.

    I’ve been going through a form of ministry training at my church and am currently reading a book called Speaking the Truth in Love by Ruth Koch. Honestly, I’d recommend it to any INFJ, whether or not the reader is a Christian, it is a good read for its very practical advice on how to be assertive in situations instead of passive, aggressive, or a combination. I’m hoping that by following the actions and advice given on being assertive, that my thoughts might start to follow as well, without the guilt usually present, haha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true. That book sound awesome. I’m definitely going to look into it. Thanks for the suggestion! 🙂 Have you found your thoughts changing yet, or does it still need more time to seep in?

      Like

  3. I’m better able to logically process through being more assertive, but the feeling of guilt is still present- though it is lessening ever so slightly. 🙂 That may take a LOT more time.

    Liked by 1 person

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