The Art Of Being Genuine

I feel as though I need to be more genuine. Maybe not on here, I try to be real here. But in other aspects and areas in my life, I feel that sometimes I… Miss the mark and instead go along with what I think other people want from me, or want to hear. And it doesn’t always go well.

I’ve found that when I’m being more authentically me, that’s when people seem to like having me around. Authenticity is extremely important to me, but I grew up in an environment where I was taught (by one parent) that image matters more than honesty.

It’s hard breaking out of those patterns. Of course everyone wants to be liked, and I tend to be a people pleaser anyway, so that just makes it that much more difficult. But I also have a strong internal conviction that being open, honest, and real, is more important than “going along to get along.”

There are times that we must have restraint. I know that. There is a certain level of professionalism required, especially in work situations, or gatherings and whatnot. That’s not what I’m talking about.

What I am talking about is the times when either answer would be acceptable. I just feel like I haven’t been as real with some people as I should have been (and should be).

I haven’t fully been myself.

Authenticity

I want to leave a trail of magic everywhere I go. How can I do that if I’m not showing who I really am?

But again, at least for me, it comes back down to fear. I’m so afraid of other people’s judgement, and I’m so afraid of people seeing the scars that lie beneath me, that I don’t know how to open up about it.

I don’t know. Maybe it will just take some time. I have a tendency to need some time to warm up in different situations and with different people. But I can’t help but feel like maybe I need to let down some of my walls and allow myself to be more vulnerable.

So in my thoughts does vulnerability equal authenticity? Maybe. But there has to be some way to reach the balance between.

I’m going to have to face it now. Everything’s catching up with me and I have to learn to take a stand to be who I am.

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17 thoughts on “The Art Of Being Genuine

  1. I’m learning to be okay with feeling uncomfortable, because that’s what it takes to be myself around anyone other than my husband. I’ll never be that comfortable with anyone else, so I have to accept the intense vulnerability I feel and just be okay with feeling it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Some situations or people can feel more comfortable than others. But I can definitely relate to feeling uncomfortable around outside people. Sometimes it takes a very special person to get us to open up and let them in, but that’s something that we may need more than we even realize.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I hope you have a fantastic weekend! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been thinking about this same thing lately. I’m definitely a people pleaser. But I want to have the courage to be more vulnerable at times. To show people how much I care, to voice my opinion, to take more of an active role. Rather than just letting things happen.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can absolutely relate! There are so many opportunities that just pass me by because I’m afraid to speak up and tell someone how I feel, or to encourage them.

      I think INFJ’s also have a difficult time speaking up if we feel that someone else has something to say, we don’t want to talk over them or change the course of the conversation if they want or need it to go in a certain direction. Maybe I shouldn’t generalize like that… that’s just been my experience.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally agree with you. I’m always afraid of interrupting people, so I don’t contribute as often as I’d like. Or when I do try to say something and accidentally interrupt, I’ll let them speak first, and then won’t get to say my piece. It can get a bit frustrating. That’s why I highly value and appreciate people who ask for my insight and who really want to know what I think. But I know that I can definitely do more to get my voice heard.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve had a similar experience. If I’m about to say something and stop to let the other person speak they’ll often forget that I even had anything to say. (At least that’s what it seems like.) The people who take the time to listen and care are such a blessing, and surprisingly hard to find. 🙂

        I know I could try to speak up more and be more assertive, but it just feels so awkward sometimes. Have you had any luck with it or any ideas on how to do that well?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hmm, usually the only time I’m assertive enough to say something is if I’m in a group of people I’m extremely comfortable with. This is because I know they won’t mind going back to a previous topic. If I’m with people who I’m not comfortable with, I usually don’t say anything. Sometimes I think I should, but I haven’t figured out a way to do that yet. I’ll keep you posted if I do haha.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think I get to the point where I’m tired of being talked over, and I really really want to say my piece. That gives me the courage to say something like “I was thinking about what you said about (insert topic) earlier, and I thought …” I don’t do this as much as I’d like, just every once in a while 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Pearlgirl, I have mixed feelings on this topic. After all there are times to be transparent and genuine, and there are times when courtesy and politeness demand a different approach. For example, when I’m driving, I try not to be too transparent about my feelings toward the other drivers on the road. As I taught my children, if you can’t be polite, then fake being polite. On the other hand, at times it is polite to be genuine and not put on a mask. We all have our masks that we use to keep other people from getting too close to us, too knowledgeable about our lives. When those people deserve to know us better–when they have something to gain from the “real me”–yes, then it is time to take off the mask and be genuine and vulnerable for their befit and for mine. J.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True… Though I think there might be a difference between transparency and acting upon those feelings. But like you said, it does depend on the context, so we need wisdom to navigate those situations.

      But you bring up an interesting point. Not everyone deserves to get close, so it’s important to have wisdom regarding who to take the masks off for as well.

      Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your feelings on it! I definitely need to give more thought to this. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I went through a similar situation last year where I was trying so hard to make everyone happy. But actually everyone ended up mad at me and I lost friends. But looking back I realized it was for the best, because that situation wasn’t good for me and it forced me to realize I needed to stop being so afraid of what others think. We are not in charge of the thoughts, judgments or emotions of others 🙂 I hope that everything goes well!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is such a good lesson to learn! Though it’s difficult in the moment, especially if you lose friends over it. I’ve had that happen before too.

      It’s hard to remember that other people’s thoughts and judgments or emotions aren’t always connected to us, what we do, or who we are. It’s very important though, and I still struggle with it daily. I hope to one day fully embrace who I am, though with enough tact, compassion and wisdom to not act hastily on fleeting emotions. Then again, if I was living as my best self, then it wouldn’t be an issue to worry about.

      Thank you for sharing your experience. And I hope you have a wonderful day! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

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