Why do I run away? It seems like I’ll stick to something for a little bit, then I’ll drop it, and I’m not entirely sure why. Am I afraid of having a community, afraid to have people depending on me? Do I just lack the confidence to press through and allow myself to be seen for all that I am? Am I afraid to look weak, afraid to be vulnerable?
Do you know what all those things have in common? Fear. Fear kills more dreams than anything else. “Fear is the mind killer.” And it’s true. Fear keeps us trapped, limited, and insecure. Why am I afraid to be seen?
I’m tired of running. I’m tired of hiding.
I have a wonderful, beautiful community around me. I am so abundantly blessed both by this blog, and by the people in my life. I’ve been surrounded with so much love and compassion, and I don’t deserve it.
I don’t know why God blessed me with this, but my heart is full and I am so completely thankful for these connections, for the words and encouragement from others, and the ones I’ve found in old writings that I don’t even remember writing. The feelings are so overwhelming and powerful.
Maybe I’m afraid of commitment. I’m afraid of having roots, because I’m afraid of being stuck and of not growing. But right now I feel a peace with life. Maybe this time, instead of running away, maybe I’ll have the courage to stay.