In Fear We Run

girl-run

Why do I run away? It seems like I’ll stick to something for a little bit, then I’ll drop it, and I’m not entirely sure why. Am I afraid of having a community, afraid to have people depending on me? Do I just lack the confidence to press through and allow myself to be seen for all that I am? Am I afraid to look weak, afraid to be vulnerable?

Do you know what all those things have in common? Fear. Fear kills more dreams than anything else. “Fear is the mind killer.” And it’s true. Fear keeps us trapped, limited, and insecure. Why am I afraid to be seen?

I’m tired of running. I’m tired of hiding.

I have a wonderful, beautiful community around me. I am so abundantly blessed both by this blog, and by the people in my life. I’ve been surrounded with so much love and compassion, and I don’t deserve it.

I don’t know why God blessed me with this, but my heart is full and I am so completely thankful for these connections, for the words and encouragement from others, and the ones I’ve found in old writings that I don’t even remember writing. The feelings are so overwhelming and powerful.

Maybe I’m afraid of commitment. I’m afraid of having roots, because I’m afraid of being stuck and of not growing. But right now I feel a peace with life. Maybe this time, instead of running away, maybe I’ll have the courage to stay.

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10 thoughts on “In Fear We Run

  1. I feel the same way, especially since I had a bad situation with friends about half a year ago, I’m very afraid to make friends again and potentially be in that situation of so much commitment and vulnerability to drama. I guess we have to decide at what point our fear is irrational and holding us back 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fear can be incredibly powerful. It’s amazing how it works its way into our minds and has a hold on us. It can be so hard to trust again after being hurt or feeling betrayed.

      I’ve also had some situations with friends and people I should have been able to trust, and I’m still working on overcoming that fear of vulnerability. I think part of the healing process is realizing that not everyone is like the people who hurt us. In some small way that can help diminish the fear.

      I hope you’re able to find people you can trust and are safe with. But the time in between can give you the space to really learn who you are and what you value. 🙂

      Like

      1. That’s so true; feat is unfortunately such a big part of our lives. I’m so sorry to hear about the situation with your friends. That’s honestly the worst, because you trust friends so much with so many things. I agree that realizing not everyone is like those who hurt us is a good idea, because we need to open ourselves up to relationships again! And thank you, I have been using this time to get to know myself a bit better and it’s a very complex process!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. For me, I am afraid of two things: that I will not be good at it or that I will be unhappy doing it. As soon as I am criticized, or questioned, or have a bad day or a problem with the task, I usually give up on it. I am so scared of being bad at something and being unhappy that I just look for something new that I am “better at”. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I can definitely relate to that feeling. I’ve found with myself that sometimes I give up a little too soon because of my perfectionism. Sometimes it just takes pushing through… Provided that it’s something that will bring happiness and/or purpose. Thank you for your comment. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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