Dark clouds loom overhead and I’m tempted to just curl up inside alone, hide under a blanket and never come out. Fear has taken over my life and defines me. I want to run away because the idea of having roots terrifies me. Why? I don’t know.
The gloom of the day helps me to stay calm. It’s a reminder that not everything is always as it seems. Sometimes when depression creeps in we want to isolate ourselves, far away from the outside world. Sometimes that can be a good thing.
As an introvert, I need time to recharge, but sometimes the self-isolating can be harmful, destructive to who I am inside. It’s in those moments when I turn in on myself that I realize the deep underlying need for others. To be wanted, to be needed, to feel… Loved.
I miss writing. I miss just allowing my thoughts to flow out onto a page. I need to start doing that again. Every little step counts. We can’t lose sight of the path just because of the fog that fills our minds. It’s so easy to turn aside and be distracted, but what we really need is to focus on the light. Even on a dark and gloomy day, there’s always something we can find to hold on to that gives us hope.
We need to give ourselves permission to rest. It’s so easy to get caught up in all our responsibilities that we forget our responsibility to ourselves and to take care of our bodies and minds. I don’t want to forget the importance of being a steward. I don’t want to forget that being a steward includes taking care of my own mind.
So for now, on this dark and cloudy day, I give myself permission to rest.