There are some groups that we feel a part of, others we don’t. It’s like an invisible wall between us and other people. Keeping them out, keeping us in.
Sometimes the mask feels safe. It hides us from the world, and if anyone doesn’t like us, we find comfort in knowing that it’s not the real us that they judge, because we never let them in that close. Never let them see our scars and our pain.
All of us with our painted faces, what a beautiful mess we are.
One of the worst feelings is being surrounded by people and yet still feeling so alone. I have some groups where I feel so loved and accepted, and known. I have others that just affirm my isolation and all the secrets I keep from the world.
I wonder if the walls will ever be torn down. I wonder if it matters. Sometimes walls feel safe, sometimes they’re necessary, and sometimes we use them to deceive ourselves.
I have some true friends, I am eternally grateful for them. They are blessings far beyond anything I deserve or could have imagined or picked out for myself, and yet God has chosen to bless me with them anyway.
I’m so thankful for the people I can come unmasked with. The safe ones. The people who see me for who I really am, and love me anyway. They are one of the greatest gifts. I take off my mask, and lay it down.