When I’m Alone

There are some groups that we feel a part of, others we don’t. It’s like an invisible wall between us and other people. Keeping them out, keeping us in.

mask-1024024_1920Sometimes the mask feels safe. It hides us from the world, and if anyone doesn’t like us, we find comfort in knowing that it’s not the real us that they judge, because we never let them in that close. Never let them see our scars and our pain.

All of us with our painted faces, what a beautiful mess we are.

One of the worst feelings is being surrounded by people and yet still feeling so alone. I have some groups where I feel so loved and accepted, and known. I have others that just affirm my isolation and all the secrets I keep from the world.

I wonder if the walls will ever be torn down. I wonder if it matters. Sometimes walls feel safe, sometimes they’re necessary, and sometimes we use them to deceive ourselves.

I have some true friends, I am eternally grateful for them. They are blessings far beyond anything I deserve or could have imagined or picked out for myself, and yet God has chosen to bless me with them anyway.

I’m so thankful for the people I can come unmasked with. The safe ones. The people who see me for who I really am, and love me anyway. They are one of the greatest gifts. I take off my mask, and lay it down.

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8 thoughts on “When I’m Alone

  1. Thanks for sharing. Quite a poignant post.

    I’m trying to learn to take off my mask, even with those who don’t feel like a safe space. I have a vision of being so whole, so healed, so God-confident that I can be who I truly am around any group of people and genuinely not mind if they don’t like what they see. I believe, then, I will best be able to brightly reflect the glory of the Lord into the lives of those around me.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. What a beautiful image and goal to have! I think God placed a deep desire for that openness inside us because it’s what we were created for. If only we’d learn to embrace it and truly trust what He says about us!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. There are very few people in this world that I don’t wear a mask in front of. Probably two or three. It’s very scary to reveal your true self to someone; therefore I don’t do it unless that person has been in my life a long time!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It frightens me to realize how often I try to fool myself by the mask I wear. I think perhaps only the Lord really sees what lies behind my mask. At least he has the strength to bear what is there and the power to cleanse it. J.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amen to that! It’s scary to realize just how much we try to fool ourselves sometimes. And what’s the point, anyway? Aren’t we just hurting ourselves by not acknowledging what’s underneath? We can’t work on something, or even release it to God unless we know what the problem is. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and realizing that I try to deceive myself too. It’s a hard habit to break!

      Liked by 2 people

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