It seems that every time I overdo it, my body shuts down and forces me to rest. I have a tendency to put so much pressure on myself to get things done that I easily wear myself out. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just honor my needs and not let it go this far?
I tend to feel like if I’m not working on a project of one kind or another, working toward a goal, be it large, artistic, or something else entirely, it just feels like I’m wasting time. Why spend time on other people’s ideas when I haven’t fully done something with my own?
I know that’s a terrible way of thinking, and yet I still seem caught up in this pattern. I make lists and try to plan things out, yet no matter how great my plans are, I just can’t seem to follow through with them. It’s like all this information is just out there waiting for me, and I can’t find a way to act on it.
When I haven’t been following the routine that I know works for me, when I don’t allow myself time to rest, I find my body shuts down on me. Which can also be frustrating. I push myself too far, then my body forces me to rest. Sometimes, though not always, if I’m sick I’ll use it as an excuse to take a break.
But sometimes I feel like I’m running without any gain. I push for all these things, and yet never seem to get anything done. Maybe my standards are too high, maybe something in me is broken. I just need to find that balance.