To Find Love

woman-731395_640See me. Hear me. Know me. Understand me. I don’t know if it’s a type thing, a me, thing, or maybe a both thing, but the idea of being the center of attention is one of the most terrifying things imaginable. I hate it. I hate every second of it. People with their ideas that they know me, no one seeing past the outer shell, the mask I show the world.

In a general sense, I’d prefer anonymity. I want to fade into the background, with my thoughts and feelings as a whisper that surrounds others, a deep sense of connection and knowing, where silence is accepted, and we’re found in the quiet.

Sometimes, I don’t want to be invisible. There are a few who I want to be myself with, where I want to let my guard down. And when that happens, and transparency becomes real, my vulnerability is seen. How will you respond? Do you recognize me? Has anyone taken the time to look, to listen, to know?

When vulnerability is seen, and found, and truth and grace win out. When people are real. When they don’t respond in hate, anger, or disgust, when I feel known and understood, that is when I feel loved.

My ideals are high. Yet I don’t expect much. I just want to hold value, and purpose. I want to be someone’s treasure. I want to be understood, and loved in spite of my failings, or maybe loved even more because of them.

And when I’m seen, when I’m loved, that is when I’m better equipped and more able to love. I think we all want to be special to someone, whether we’re able to admit that to ourselves or not. Though there may be challenges in life, we can face them together.

We can be quiet, and still be strong. We can be broken, but still be whole. We can be safe, and still be known. This, beyond anything else in this world, is when we find home.

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6 thoughts on “To Find Love

  1. Were you deliberately quoting the rock musical Tommy with that opening, or did that just happen?
    I also don’t like being the center of attention. Oddly, though, I can teach a class or present a lecture, and I get a lot of positive feedback. I think one of the reasons is that I talk about things that interest me, not about myself. I do get nervous before the class or lecture starts, but I have learned how to channel that nervous energy into enlivening the presentation. To be the center of attention without having something interesting to say would mortify me.
    Like you, though, I enjoy some attention from family and close friends. That’s not the same thing at all. J.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, I actually wasn’t. I’m going to need to look that up now though. ๐Ÿ™‚

      That makes sense and is an awesome skill to have! I don’t think I could speak in front of a large group of people, but I wonder if having material prepared beforehand helps at all?

      Thanks for your comment! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Preparation is necessary, but so is fascination with the topic. I couldn’t stand in front of three people and talk about something that doesn’t interest me, but set me free on a Bible reading or a historical topic, and I’m ready to talk. J.

        Liked by 1 person

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