One-Third

Tomorrow we’ll be one third of the way through the year. I can’t believe how quickly this year is flying by. I know we often talk about time that way, but this one seems particularly bad, especially this past month.

As I’ve been going over my plans and goals for the coming month, it’s a busy one, and I find it a bit overwhelming, but it’s also making me realize just how much time I waste, and how ineffective my current mode of operating is.

I’m trying to change things up this month, by going a little easier on myself, to release the pressure. I don’t have to do everything all at once, small steps are okay. After all, every change is made one step at a time, some are naturally bigger or smaller than others, but every one of them is important.

Another thing I’m trying to do is make my goals more actionable. Lately my goals could basically be summed up as, “do something.” Then, in my overthinking introvert brain, I spend all my time pondering things like, “What does something mean?” “Which something is more important?” “What other ways could I interpret something?” “What are the potentials of something?” “Do I really want something, or something else?”

Inevitably, I get very little done. Then I wonder why.

But this year is already a third of the way through, if I continue on the path I’ve been taking, I’m effectively making the same mistake over and over every single day. I don’t want to live like that. I want to learn from my mistakes so I can make a better future.

I feel stuck and stagnant a lot of the time. But, maybe, all it takes is a few simple changes. I’m going to try something different this month and see how it goes. If I’m sinking anyway, I don’t have anything to lose if it doesn’t work, but everything to gain if it does.

I think it’s important to evaluate what we’ve been doing, and reevaluate whether the course we’re taking is the right one at this time. Of course, we need to be careful not to jump ship the second the waters get choppy, but it’s also important to be honest with ourselves when what we’re doing isn’t working.

Do you make monthly plans/goals? Do you have a method that works well for you? I’d love to hear about it. 🙂

More Changes

It seems that some seasons of life require more changes than others. It’s exciting to turn the page and get a new chapter, even more bittersweet when instead of just changing chapters, we’re changing books. I’m not quite at this phase yet, but I know it’s coming soon.

This time though, the change is seen ahead of time. It’s a very different feeling going into something when it’s planned and anticipated verses when it completely catches you off guard. It’s exciting, it’s scary, it’s a bit overwhelming. But largely, I am at peace.

This time, I feel a sense of calm as I wait. Comfortable where I am, confident in where I’m going. I know it may not always be this way, but it feels like I’m finally beginning to be present where I’m at, rather than fixating solely on where I’ve been or where I’m going.

I have hope again, just a dim little flicker, but it’s something, and it’s something to hold onto. I’m so overwhelmed and thankful for the people God has placed in my life, and I’m so thankful for the ones who will stay, and so thankful to walk away and leave toxic connections behind. It’s so freeing when we know who we are and who we’re supposed to be. Even if only for a moment. In this moment, I feel peace.

I feel comfort and confident in safety. That, I know, can change in an instant, but I’m just soaking up and enjoying the calm. Planning ahead, without panic over it, what a new concept.

How do you handle changes in your life?

List Security

Lists. It seems my life perpetually revolves around lists. I love them, they’re one of the best things ever invented, but sometimes it seems as though I make the same list a million times with only subtle variations. Do you ever do that, or is it just me?

What’s often worse is I love writing on paper. Which means I have tons of little scraps floating around, until eventually I find them again, or sort through the stacks and piles I have, and realize… This realization (or plan) isn’t anything new at all. So I feel like I’ve wasted my time. But hey, at least I’m consistent.

Sometimes I feel stuck. Like I repeat the same pattern over and over in my life. Is it true? Maybe. I feel in some small ways I’m making progress. One tiny rung at a time, one small spiral upward. But the smallness of it all makes it feel like even more of a setback when I fall.

Lists, to some degree, give me a measure of stability and false security, they give me structure and at least the illusion of a plan. And that helps. I think we always need something to look forward to and hope for. I find that lists, even the act of making them, helps with that. It gives me a goal and something to move toward. And in that sense, I suppose they’re never really a waste of time. Why do I still struggle to validate the things I need as an introvert and HSP?

Lists are my security blanket. And I suppose that’s okay, there are worse things to hide behind. Now the question is, will I use them as they’re intended and actually follow through on the things I write down? Hmm… Maybe I should make a list about the benefits of action.

Are you as addicted to lists as I am? Do you find they help you move toward the future you want? I’d love to hear from you. 🙂

Listen

Have you ever stopped and just truly listened to the world around you? The sounds, noises, so many more than we consciously pick up on. If you never have, take a moment to close your eyes, just sit and listen. What do you hear?

I hear cars passing on the street below my apartment, birds chirping and singing to one another, children playing outside and enjoying this warmer weather. The sound of breathing, and my typing.

This world is such a wonderful place, filled with tiny little things that go unnoticed. Yet, if they disappeared, I’m sure we’d notice their absence. It would probably be a bit unsettling even though at times we long for the silence.

Take a moment, rather than speak, listen. What do you hear?

Warming Up

The weather is getting warmer, days are getting longer, and I am so eager to welcome the sun as it stays longer into the day. With the nicer weather plans start to be made. Groups and gatherings, the world has come alive, and as much as I love it, I also realize that I take a bit more to warm up to interaction than the change in temperature.

I’ve enjoyed the quiet time alone in my apartment. I enjoy having an excuse to stay in. And I enjoy having some of the pressure taken off by not having to say no as much. Is this a flaw in me? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m still undecided.

I do look forward to some events, and being able to get out to walk with my husband or friends, and to walk where we want or need to go rather than driving or taking a bus. I love seeing the world as it opens up, it comes to life, and in doing so makes me feel more alive. Maybe I just need some time to adjust. It’s like that sleepy time when you first wake up, not quite wanting to get out of bed, at least not yet, even though there can be excitement for the day ahead. It’s peaceful, exciting, and I just want to savor this moment.

How do you feel about the warmer weather and the extra invitations that come along with it?

Self-Criticism And Relaxation

There’s nothing quite so peaceful and relaxing as starting the morning with a hot cup of tea and some time to just sit and be. This used to be a regular morning ritual, but lately, I’ve lost it. It makes such a huge difference to the tone of the day and I really need to incorporate more time to honor my needs without calling them wasteful.

I’m very self-critical. This just magnifies when I feel I’m falling behind and I often neglect myself even more and avoid the very thing I need to find motivation and healing.

Why is it so easy to prioritize some things over others? Why do we justify and make excuses, as if our hearts and minds don’t matter? Are we any less because we have needs and are sensitive to the people and world around us?

I’ve come to realize that what has felt like a curse, is actually a blessing. What I’ve referred to as a weakness in me, I admire as a strength in others. Why can’t I extend that same view to myself?

As I work on myself and grow in awareness, I’m beginning to see the struggle more clearly. Taking care of myself isn’t a waste of time, it’s necessary to being the best that I can be. If I value being my best self, then why would I neglect something that will empower me to be it?