I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not a writer. I used to think I was, I used to think that some part of me needed writing (and I do), but the way I approach it is very different than the way I think most “real” writers do. And I’m sick of pretending.
I free-write as a way of processing my feelings and venting my frustrations. Sometimes I have thoughts to share, yes. Though honestly, they’re not well thought out. My writing is almost always stream of consciousness. And maybe that’s a good thing, for me, but it doesn’t help the world or accomplish some grand vision of influence.
I write because I have to, and it’s a lonely experience sometimes, though it can also be completely liberating to just sit down in a room by myself and let whatever comes out onto a page. I love that blank page, it’s a place to explore.
Most of the time on this blog, I write because I have thoughts that are bouncing around in my head, and I just can’t get it out any other way. I write because I need to, not because I want to. And I think maybe that’s where I make the distinction.
I write because it’s relaxing and it helps me better understand myself and the world.
I hate editing. That’s why there are probably often typos in my posts or overly redundant phrases and round about ways of wording things. I don’t edit. And isn’t editing the majority of the writing process? If I’m not invested in the process, then how can I be considered worthy of the title?
These are my thoughts on myself, not a judgment on anyone else or their process. And being able to finally say, I am not a writer, it’s just not my priority, has been so incredibly freeing. I will still write because I need to write, but maybe I’m done putting a barrier in my way by insisting that I edit, pressuring myself, and therefore avoiding it entirely.
I don’t know, maybe I’m a writer but not an editor. Hmm… Thoughts? What’s your writing experience like?