Look Above The Waves

There are times we focus on our storms, and times we focus on our God. It’s amazing what a difference just the direction of our eyes can make. We move toward what we’re looking to. And whatever we move toward seems to have a growing impact in our surroundings.

I’ve spent so much time looking at my storms, so many days, weeks, years even. Sometimes it seems easier to trust in the midst of a storm. It’s then that we cling to the rock like it’s the only way to survive (and it often is), but what if we braced ourselves and planted our feet solidly on the Rock before we needed it for even basic psychological survival? What if we saw God as the God of the living, rather than the god of the dead?

He is the living God, so why don’t we think of Him that way? Where along the way have we lost our sense of awe and wonder?

I’m not saying everyone has done this, I’m saying that I have. I have done this far more often than I would like to admit. And I want that sense of awe and reverence. I have glimpses of it, moments. But the thing about it is that we can only truly appreciate what we know. If we don’t know Him, how can we be in awe and wonder at the magnificence of Him?

I’m learning, slowly, to trust. He keeps my eyes above the storms. And I’m starting to learn of His kindness, gentleness and infinite patience toward me; I’m finally learning to trust and rest in His grace.

God doesn’t beat us into submission, He lovingly reaches out and restores His children. He gently rescues us from drowning and brings us back to life.

Feeling Grateful

It’s another windy, stormy day today. I’m stuck inside, but in the coziness of my little apartment, I find peace, and some measure of hope for the future. I’m so thankful to be protected and guarded. It’s often easy to forget just how blessed we really are. Warm clothes, food, shelter, and many of us have much more than just the necessities.

So often I struggle with taking things for granted. All the little blessings I have, seemingly small things, but those small things make a big impact. Where would I be without seeing, or hearing, or speaking? Where would I be without the power to touch, to walk? And all the extra little blessings well beyond the basics (that we often think of as basics), running water, electricity, the internet.

Today I’m feeling so abundantly thankful and grateful for the little things I have in life. Even just staying dry and warm. What little things are you thankful for today?

Rainy Writing

After reading some old posts, I realized that I have a tendency to write on rainy days. It’s interesting how that works. I just find the peace and calm of a cozy rainy day to be so inspiring and it motivates me to contemplate and write.

I do that in life too, writing through the rain. Storms take me over, so I write, and I write some more. I process things that way. It might not be very good, and I hardly go back over things to edit (though it does happen from time to time), but it’s very cathartic for me. It helps me make sense of life and things I don’t understand.

I find peace and rest through even the worst storms, because there’s healing in the rain. It washes our wounds in ways we don’t understand.

God’s Story

It’s a gloomy day today. I sit with my cup of tea and ponder the paths my life could take, and all the things I have the potential to do and be. I allow myself to dream.

Sometimes we get so stuck in the hopelessness of our reality that we forget to hope for what could someday be. We project all the negativity we experience in the present, onto the future. But that’s not how God wants us to live…

He has plans for us, whether or not we can see them. He has a purpose for each and every one of us, whether or not we believe it.

But sometimes we have to align ourselves with the truth in order to find the hope that still exists for us.

God hasn’t forgotten. He sees it all, and He already knows how this story ends.

I’ve been thinking about writing again… I go back and forth on it, not fully sure that I want to commit to another book or another story, and yet, there’s a part of me that misses that creative outlet.

I’m not sure what the future holds. But in this moment, instead of being overtaken by my feelings or the fears that can so easily control me, I take a step back and realize, this story isn’t finished, and it isn’t too late for me.

Things often get worse before they get better, sometimes we need to break in order to heal. God hasn’t forgotten. We are still His children, and He is still a faithful God.

The stars still shine beyond the clouds of the darkest night, so too, does our hope remain, as long as we’re trusting Him.

His plans and His story for us is for our good. And this story isn’t finished yet.

Filled

Sometimes we don’t realize just how much we have. There are times we feel empty, and there are times we are filled. The thing I’ve noticed though, is whether we are full or empty, it’s always for a reason. Sometimes it’s easier to trust this than others, but it’s seemed particularly true lately.

I’ve been emptied out, so that I can understand and show compassion to others.

I’ve been filled, so that I can pour out those same blessings into others. We comfort with the comfort we have been given, and I am so thankful for this truth.

I don’t always understand the ups and downs in life, but I do know that God is faithful. We can share more fully in joys and sorrows when we ourselves have been there. And God knows this, and He allows this. He is always faithful, and He will redeem everything, whether we are full, or empty.

What truths are you trusting today?

Known In The Unknown

I’ve been thinking about life a lot lately. I’ve done evaluating and re-evaluating of who I am, what I am, and where I’m going.

It all seems like such a blur sometimes, but there is such beauty and power in the unknown.

We sometimes face the unknown with fear and doubt, but maybe we need to see it as an opportunity.

We don’t know where any of this will lead. We can make our plans, but our plans don’t always go, well, as planned.

There is a God who knows us even when we don’t know what our futures hold. We are His children, and He is a faithful Father.

The beauty of this life is finding joy even amidst the struggles, even in the storms, we can look to the sky and say, “God, You’ve got this, and I’m trusting You.”

Quiet Mornings

I love routines. Lately I’ve gotten in the habit of waking up and having some quiet time alone with God and my thoughts, writing, reading, getting myself focused for the day. I’ve been so productive!

Then the weekend came. My husband was off for the day, so we slept in, then spent the morning together talking and planning. I ended up having some time to myself after all that, but it just wasn’t the same and my day felt so rushed and chaotic.

Could it really be that important for me to start my day alone?

I’m thinking that it is. I love the still and quiet of the early morning, alone with me, allowing my mind to flow where it will, no pressure, only gentle guidance.

I’m learning a lot about myself, mostly because I’m taking the time to listen. Do you have any important morning routines? I’d love to hear how you start the day. 🙂

Self-Obsessed?

I’ve come to the conclusion that people like to talk about themselves, not because we’re all self-absorbed and narcissistic, but because we speak about what we know. We’re always told to write what we know, so what’s the difference when we’re talking?

I think we’re reaching out, looking for a connecting point, and sometimes it’s easier to fill the silence with something we know and find interesting, hoping to connect on something meaningful to us, rather than talking about something shallow and superficial like the weather.

This puts things in a different context. Maybe when people seem to be obsessing about themselves, their lives, or their interests, it isn’t because they’re trying to steamroll and hijack the conversation, it’s because they’re insecure and desperate for some form of more satisfying human contact… And they don’t know where else to start.

Speaking to strangers can be intimidating, especially when you know nothing about that person, what they’re like, or what they like. So maybe we need to be slower to judge, and more quick to listen.

Thoughts?

Introversion

I’m realizing more and more just how much of an introvert I actually am. I struggle between being happy that I know this about myself, and being absolutely frustrated at the implications of it.

I can only handle so much socialization before I feel so drained I can hardly function. Sometimes it’s almost a dream state, where I detach from reality while being pelted by all the outside stimulation that keeps my mind occupied and distracted from useful thought.

Of course, this could be because of my inferior Se… I’ve noticed I’m not so observant lately. Not as much as I’d like to be. Sure, I catch things after awhile… Sometimes, but not always.

Then of course there are the moments that I miss something entirely without realizing it until much later, later when it’s too late to fix it and make amends.

Ah, well. Such is life.

I can’t say I mind, really. During a recent visit home, it was interesting to see the difference between me and my extroverted mother. I love my mom, she’s great, but we are very different.

At one point, I was sitting down using my laptop, and she asked me how I was doing being alone, saying that she felt bad and would feel ignored and a little bothered to not be spending time with everyone. She did however ask if I liked the time alone, or if I felt the same way she would.

It was such an interesting thing. I was enjoying the down time. I love my family, but people are people, no matter how much you love them. Sometimes I enjoy just being alone in my shell.

Free Flow

Blogging is my solace from the storm. Actually, writing down the thoughts that swirl through my mind always brings some form of comfort. It gives me some form of stability, it’s grounding, and I can focus all my attention on one drifty flow rather than being caught up in the chaos around me.

Sometimes resisting takes more energy than allowing. We try so hard to keep it all bottled up, to hold all the hard things back, but it’s like a pressure cooker, and eventually it explodes. We might not mean for it to, we like to think we can control it. And we can, up to a point, and then, one way or another, all of the bottled up thoughts and feelings will explode, sometimes surprising us just as much (or even more) as those around us.

I’d like to be a patient person. Some say I am, but I’m not. Then again, those people also say I hold myself to too high of standards, it’s probably true. Perfectionism dies hard, and it’s hard to let go of the one thing that makes me feel like my life is under control.

I’m learning to release my grip, slowly and surely. I’ve clung to the wrong things, and let go of things that I’ve needed. I’ve drifted away with my need to manage it all, to maintain some level of peace and composure, all the while becoming more and more restless inside. Writing helps. I can freely drift from one thought to another. Letting go, not fully holding on, but releasing control and going along with the flow of words that comes streaming out.

Here, it doesn’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be perfect. I can just let out whatever comes, and release it into the waves. They wash over me, but no longer claim me.

Will I ever find the place where I belong? I’m confident that someday, the answer is yes, but until then, I drift, not in the void, but in the fullness of grace, that steadily guides me to where I’m always meant to be.