This little fingernail just seems to keep on breaking. It snags on clothes, and other things I touch, and I’m left annoyed and agitated that I can’t seem to get it under control.
Isn’t life like that sometimes? We fight and fight to smooth the rough edges, but it keeps coming back, or popping up in a slightly different place. We feel stuck and snagged on everything around us. Wondering what we can do to make it any different.
I’ve come to terms with some of these things over time, others, I’m still working on. Some will probably go away, others will stay. And it’s often difficult to tell at the time which is which.
In going through old writings and journal entries, I’ve realized that some of my goals have been woven into the fabric of my everyday life in a way I hadn’t noticed. And others, have been forgotten or changed entirely.
We don’t know who we will be in the future, we often forget who we’ve been in the past. We have this moment, this drifting and fleeting moment in between, where we know what we think we want and need. But how much of that is really real? Can we really claim to know what our future self will want?
When those rough edges are smoothed, we become a different creature, with higher wants and desires. Some things stay the same, but sometimes, for the better, parts we thought made us who we are, have faded and fallen away. Things we thought made up a huge part of our identity, gone and forgotten. And then we come to a point where we realize, that it’s okay.
We don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to be what our past selves had envisioned, we don’t have to measure up to all the standards and pressures. From ourselves or others. And sometimes being who we are in this moment, is good enough. Even when we do hit a snag.
We’re not finished yet. We are not yet complete. We are in progress, and during that phase of in progress, throughout our entire lives here on this earth, we are always growing, always changing, always exploring. And with that, we cannot predict what we will become, because we don’t have the knowledge that makes up who our future self will be. But we’re learning. And every step, every moment, is a change toward becoming who we’re going to be, and yet, in every moment, we’re exactly who we are.
In this realization, I find peace and contentment. I don’t have to know exactly who I am, I just have to be willing to transform and to step toward becoming who I’ll be.