Maybe There Is No Answer

Lately I’ve questioned so many things about myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m moving forward, sometimes I feel I’m falling backward.

I’m still struggling with a life that looks nothing like I thought it would. Then I feel bad about myself for not just being thankful for the life I do have.

Feelings come and feelings go. They’re important, but they aren’t everything. I’m just not sure how to navigate around them when these things are so strong, and so many other things are pushing so hard against me.

Not against me, just around me. And I’m easily overwhelmed.

I don’t know what the future holds. And I’m struggling with that place in between. This season has felt like it’s dragged on forever. It’s been so many years, seemingly wasted in waiting.

I don’t want to live my life on hold. But I don’t know what life I could be moving into. I find myself here. Is this it? Is this really all there is?

Maybe there’s more. I struggle with comparisons, thinking that everyone else has things that I want. And they do. But that doesn’t mean it looks the way I imagine it to, and it doesn’t mean that’s the life they desired, even if it was the one that I wanted.

That seems to be one of the great injustices of life, that none of us get to choose the path we take.

But maybe I’m just playing the victim.

We do have choices. We do have a say… Up to a point.

Maybe it’s a blessing that we don’t plan our futures. Maybe we don’t have the context to make the right decisions.

I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know where I am or what’s happening. And I’m tired of trying to figure it all out.

8 thoughts on “Maybe There Is No Answer

  1. We all do get to make choices. And we do get to choose the path we take. We don’t get to choose for others. And since we live in a society, the choices of others will impact us. Our work when that happens is to choose how we react. What I have found is that we have more choice than we think we do. Freedom and peace comes from realizing that. Seeking examples help. I will recommend Frankl’s book again. I will tell you that personally I learned this lesson working with survivors of domestic violence and seeing how they take the worst and turn it into personal triumph. It does not mean I have mastered it but it does mean I try to remember that I have the ultimate choice in how I view my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can relate to feeling this way (often) as a fellow INFJ! Hallway seasons are both hard, and critical. I think the choices we make in the hallway determines much of what the next season looks like, even when we feel stuck in it. I’ve been learning to just keep moving… keep moving and doing the right thing and trust you’ll be directed into the right door. Don’t get to caught up thinking to far ahead as to how one decision will effect the next, and that decision will effect the next, etc. It’s when I do that I often feel most frozen.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! I’ve found myself frozen and stalled in the hallway so many times for that exact reason, trying to anticipate what’s next and how the dominoes will fall. Thank you for sharing this, I think I needed to hear it today. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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