Lately I’ve been feeling the need for deeper community. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s being so far away from family, maybe it’s the shortage of friends nearby, I have an awesome community around me, but I’m left feeling like I need more, like I want deeper, closer, and more intimate connections. And with more people.
I’m fortunate enough to have a few good friends close by, but people are busy and living their own lives. I don’t expect everyone to drop what they’re doing to cater to me, not by a long shot, I tend to have trouble in the opposite direction where I’m afraid to even acknowledge my needs to myself. But I need deeper connections, connections that go beyond a simple hi and small talk.
I miss my group. I had one as a teen, and it’s taken some time, but I really miss having those friends there. Some have drifted apart, some are still close (though communication has decreased and distances are far).
Sometimes I’m left feeling so alone. I think this blog is the one place that I do more honestly and genuinely share my feelings and struggles. Why is it that in real life, in person with people we only kind of know, it can be so hard? Why don’t I take those friendships deeper? I find myself pushing them away, or at least keeping them at arms length.
Still, I want more. Whether I sabotage myself every step of the way or not, I do miss having a community with deeper connections, I miss having friends that are actively involved in my life, and I in theirs.
So what am I going to do about it? I don’t want to just live my life as if I am the victim. I still have the power to decide how I will react to those around me, and the situations and people that are already there, and I still have the power to decide to reach out beyond that group, even if it’s well beyond my comfort zone.
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” – Tony Robbins
We’re nearing the halfway point of 2017. That really has me thinking about my goals and what I want from the rest of the year. I want to cultivate deeper friendships with those around me and surround myself with opportunities to meet new people and make new friends. Just thinking about it gives me some anxiety, but at the same time, it’s something that’s important to me.
A year from now, I want to have a tighter knit and larger community of people around me. I want to take the risk to be vulnerable and open up. I want to give myself, and others, the opportunity to find meaningful connections. Who knows, maybe I’ll enjoy the process more than I expect.
Do you struggle to find a community where you feel you belong? Do you have any goals for the second half of 2017? I’d love to hear your experience/plans in the comments. 🙂