A lot has happened over the course of the past few weeks. I feel shifts and changes, and I find myself more at peace than I often am. Things like this bring reassurance and a deep inner knowing that God is at work in my life and my heart.
As many of you know, I find myself struggling with anxiety quite often. I don’t want to be dictated by my fear. I don’t want my future defined by my limitations. I’ve realized just how much I often get in my own way. So often, I am what gets between me and God. Everything’s all about me, and my limited perspective, my own fears and insecurities.
I’m realizing that insecurity is not the same as humility. Quite the opposite, in fact. There have been more times I haven’t followed a prompting from God because I was so stuck on feeling unqualified than times that I was willing to trust despite not feeling ready. Who am I to say I’m incapable something if God calls me to it?
It reminds me of Moses, when he also didn’t feel like he was able to speak on behalf of God and His people. God is faithful to provide another… but sometimes, we’re called to be like Esther. God wants us, wholly and fully committed, am I willing? It isn’t about whether or not I feel able, He does the equipping. I can’t power through in my own strength. I’ve tried that, and failed.
I want to stand confident in Christ and confident in who God made me to be. I don’t want to waiver in my faith, I don’t want to be overcome by my doubting, I don’t want to sink beneath the waves. I feel Him preparing my heart and helping me to trust. I don’t have to fight this battle alone.
I stand strong and secure, not because of anything of my own doing, but because I stand with Him. I am not alone. And we are never alone, whether through the deepest seas or the driest desert, God is with us, and He is faithful. He makes our path straight, even when we’ve veered off course, and He calms the winds and the waves. I choose Him over my fear. I choose Him over everything. And He is always faithful.