It’s amazing how many things can be learned on a bus and at a bookstore. So many thoughts to process right now. It’s a bit too much, I’m hoping I can retain it all. But I am continually and consistently amazed at all I have to learn about myself and others.
Others
Control
I find myself completely befuddled by this idea. I know, in some way, that it’s true, yet I’m unsure how to fully control my reaction, or, rather, how I feel. So instead I try to control the situation.
It doesn’t always work. Sometimes it does, yet I convince myself that the problem is merely that I have not attained full control.
I don’t want control. I really don’t. Not over others, anyway. I want control over myself, over my own life. I want freedom.
Is there anything that wrong about that?
I feel that my only options are being inauthentic, mocking, or simply walking away. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true.
Sometimes a person, or a situation, is just so ridiculous, and you’ve been so controlled by it for so long, that you begin to see how absolutely pathetic it is. And there’s nothing else you can do but to laugh.
Happy
Overlooked
So often I will feel overlooked. I tend to be quiet and sit on the edge of a crowd or group. I don’t say much, I just watch, observing everything that’s going on around me.
Then I have moments that I try to branch out and do something, often something online, and I just feel like no one pays any attention.
This blog is different, I’m writing it mostly for myself, as selfish as that sounds. A few other things I’m working on are in the hopes of having a positive impact on others.
I so badly want to be able to help, but come up feeling less-than because no one pays attention. How can I help others if I can’t manage to catch their attention? Then I start berating myself.
The image above was a good reminder to keep going, to keep trying, even if I feel overlooked by others.
God has a plan and purpose for each and every one of us. If we allow the shadows of others loom over us, feeling like we’re so much in the dark that no one could ever notice us, then we’re missing out and making the world miss out on some wonderful things that we have to offer.
Isn’t that where persistence comes in? We have to keep on trying, and we have to be able to be ourselves, even if we think that no one else is seeing it. Because we never know who might be watching. Even if no one else is, don’t we deserve to be our best selves? After all, we have to be around us all the time. Let’s make it the best that we possibly can.
INFJ Ramblings 