Quiet Time

I’m beginning to once again graciously accept myself and time alone. I love quiet time. For awhile I had been running on introvert overload and was so strung out that I needed constant interaction. (I know, backwards.) But I felt that I needed to talk to someone to work all my problems out.

I don’t know why I felt this way, really. I guess I had just felt too isolated for too long and thought that maybe I needed someone else to pull me out. But the more time I have alone to myself, the more I realize how wonderfully amazing those quiet moments can be. The more time alone I have, the more time alone I want. There’s such a peace in it that I can’t find anywhere else.

Here I was, looking outside for solutions, when all I had to do was look inward and heed the voice inside me. Quiet and still. In the calm of the morning.

The Myth of the Good Little INFJ

There are so many misconceptions about INFJ’s out there. I loved how concisely Marissa put this and how spot on it was. Definitely worth a read! 🙂

Like An Anchor

Last week, I stumbled across an article on Pinterest talking about female INFJs. Well, technically it was about INFj in the Socionics system, which is a bit different than the MBTI type and may include INFPs as well, but for purposes of this article we’ll just talk about INFJ types. The original article, written in 2011 by someone identified only as Beskova, paints a portrait of the INFJ type that is beautiful on the surface but doesn’t quite manage to reach their heart. It’s part of a disturbing trend in portrayals of INFJs, though this is the most extreme example I’ve seen.

Like many people who treat the INFJ type as quasi-mythical, this writer describes INFJs as flawless, naive, pure and submissive. They even describe a typical INFJ appearance: “Women of this type are very feminine and are delicate, modest and even shy. … They have a very ephemeral…

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In Fear We Run

Why do I run away? It seems like I’ll stick to something for a little bit, then I’ll drop it, and I’m not entirely sure why. Am I afraid of having a community, afraid to have people depending on me? Do I just lack the confidence to press through and allow myself to be seen for all that I am? Am I afraid to look weak, afraid to be vulnerable?

Do you know what all those things have in common? Fear. Fear kills more dreams than anything else. “Fear is the mind killer.” And it’s true. Fear keeps us trapped, limited, and insecure. Why am I afraid to be seen?

I’m tired of running. I’m tired of hiding.

I have a wonderful, beautiful community around me. I am so abundantly blessed both by this blog, and by the people in my life. I’ve been surrounded with so much love and compassion, and I don’t deserve it.

I don’t know why God blessed me with this, but my heart is full and I am so completely thankful for these connections, for the words and encouragement from others, and the ones I’ve found in old writings that I don’t even remember writing. The feelings are so overwhelming and powerful.

Maybe I’m afraid of commitment. I’m afraid of having roots, because I’m afraid of being stuck and of not growing. But right now I feel a peace with life. Maybe this time, instead of running away, maybe I’ll have the courage to stay.

The Art Of Being Genuine

I feel as though I need to be more genuine. Maybe not on here, I try to be real here. But in other aspects and areas in my life, I feel that sometimes I… Miss the mark and instead go along with what I think other people want from me, or want to hear. And it doesn’t always go well.

I’ve found that when I’m being more authentically me, that’s when people seem to like having me around. Authenticity is extremely important to me, but I grew up in an environment where I was taught (by one parent) that image matters more than honesty.

It’s hard breaking out of those patterns. Of course everyone wants to be liked, and I tend to be a people pleaser anyway, so that just makes it that much more difficult. But I also have a strong internal conviction that being open, honest, and real, is more important than “going along to get along.”

There are times that we must have restraint. I know that. There is a certain level of professionalism required, especially in work situations, or gatherings and whatnot. That’s not what I’m talking about.

What I am talking about is the times when either answer would be acceptable. I just feel like I haven’t been as real with some people as I should have been (and should be).

I haven’t fully been myself.

I want to leave a trail of magic everywhere I go. How can I do that if I’m not showing who I really am?

But again, at least for me, it comes back down to fear. I’m so afraid of other people’s judgement, and I’m so afraid of people seeing the scars that lie beneath me, that I don’t know how to open up about it.

I don’t know. Maybe it will just take some time. I have a tendency to need some time to warm up in different situations and with different people. But I can’t help but feel like maybe I need to let down some of my walls and allow myself to be more vulnerable.

So in my thoughts does vulnerability equal authenticity? Maybe. But there has to be some way to reach the balance between.

I’m going to have to face it now. Everything’s catching up with me and I have to learn to take a stand to be who I am.

The Storm Changes

I’m about to embark on a new chapter. It’s scary, yet I somehow feel as though I’m being lifted above the waves and storm, it cannot touch me. I suppose this is what it was like for Peter walking on the water. As soon as he thought about it, and took his eyes from God and placed them on the waves beneath him, he began to sink.

There will be storms in this life, no doubt about that. Some are bigger and fiercer than others, some only seem big at the time, but God’s there with us through it all. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”

What we once thought was secure and safe, becomes different than we believed it to be. The storms alter and change form, and the ground on which we thought we stood, crumbles beneath us. It’s in these moments I realize that the only truly sure thing is God.

The words of Isaiah 26:3 are held ever closer to my heart, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

One Year

One year ago today I joined WordPress. I had no idea what a wonderful community was waiting for me. I didn’t know how this would change my life, but it has. I want all of you to know just how much I appreciate your likes, comments, and inspiring words.

Thank you for your warmth and acceptance, for this sense of community and belonging, and thank you for reading my posts for an entire year. I love you all. 🙂

Autumn Beauty

This is the most beautiful time of the year. I love everything about it. The crisp feeling in the air, all the vibrant colors, the feeling of change and possibility, the crunching leaves beneath our feet. Sweaters and scarves, warm drinks, apple and pumpkin everywhere you look. It’s one final breath of light before everything settles in for the winter.

I loved the contrast here of the orange leaves against the perfectly blue backdrop of the sky. Beauty is all around us, we only need to be willing to look, and we’ll find it.

I hope you all are having a lovely Saturday.

Be Who You Want To Be

Image Found on Facebook

Managing expectations. Sometimes it’s so easy to just go along with other people to help them to feel better… Or to make us feel better. It’s natural to want to be accepted, but far too often we change who we really are to please others.

That mask is like plastic wrap, we suffocate and rot beneath the surface. We convince ourselves that it’s okay because other people are happy with our decisions, but are we?

We’re the ones who have to live our lives. We have to be with ourselves constantly, never catching a break. Shouldn’t we make sure that we’re happy with who we are? What a miserable existence otherwise.

I’ve been a people pleaser. I’ve tried too hard to make people like me, it’s a destructive pattern that I’m trying to break out of. It isn’t easy, but I do know that it’s worth it.

As an INFJ, I can’t stand to see people upset, and I can’t stand conflict. Far too often it’s easy to just fall into going along with what others want or expect from me, without ever giving myself enough of a break or a say in my own life.

I’ve found that often it comes down to honesty. We need to be kind and loving, but we do need to set boundaries and manage others expectations. Isn’t it more unkind to lead others on to believe that we’ll do something that we have no intention of following through with?

Granted, it’s one of those things that could cause arguments, so somethings it’s easier to just agree and deal with the consequences later on… so I’m still unsure exactly how to go about doing things. But I know that something must be done.

I’m hoping that these realizations will help me stand up for myself more than I have in the past. I’ve allowed others to walk all over me and control my future and destiny when they really weren’t all too invested in it in the first place.

Why do I let others control me who don’t really even care about me?

Why?

I need to know the why.

I’m learning to be more confident in myself. It’s a process and it will take time, but I’ve come such a long way from where I was.