2 Year Anniversary

two-years2 years ago I started this blog. I didn’t even realize that until I logged on and wordpress notified me. I love this blog and the community I’ve found here. I feel welcomed, and safe, and like I belong here. I’ve been so encouraged and touched by so many of you. Thank you for that. I can’t believe it’s been that long, but at the same time, it feels like it’s been longer.

Thank you for supporting me and reading all my random thoughts for the past two years. Here’s to the next one!🙂


autumn-1072827_640I feel like I’ve been really negative here lately… If I’m here at all. I don’t like that. I don’t want to be just a dark spot on the internet, or in someone’s day. So today I thought I’d share some of the good things I’m thankful for.

I’m thankful for the beautiful day I had today, in activities, company, weather, all of it. It’s been a good day, and I’ve really needed one of those.🙂

I’m thankful for friends who always uplift and encourage me. I’ve seen God work in so many wonderful ways through friendships, and I’m so grateful that I get to be a part of that.

I’m thankful for just having a place to sleep and food to eat. There are so many necessities that I just take for granted because I have them here. I don’t want to forget all the good things and blessings I truly do have.

I’m thankful for my family, for my husband and the family I came from, and the many others who have become like family to me. Their love and support means so much to me.

I’m thankful for the turning leaves and changing seasons. It’s always such a beautiful reminder that the world does not revolve around us, but there’s a God who takes the time to take care of each and every little thing. It’s beautiful.🙂

I’m thankful for my church. There are so many out there that don’t live out the love God has for us, but I’m fortunate to be in one of the good ones that are truly willing to live out of truth and love, speaking it and breathing it, while being completely real, honest, and vulnerable along the way.

I’m thankful for this blogging community. I know I haven’t kept up the best with a lot of you (I do intend to read your blogs sometime in the hopefully not so distant future.🙂 ), but I really appreciate this place and all of you, my lovely readers.

I suppose most of this can be summed up in safety, changes, and community, but I’m okay with that. Those are some really valuable and important things, and I cherish them deeply.

What are you thankful for this evening? I’d love to hear from you.🙂

And Again We Go

Phew! I talked about chapters and changes, but I wasn’t quite sure just how much that really meant. The past couple weeks have been absolutely crazy. Storms hit harder than ever, and some may have finally been knocked to the ground.

I’m in a very transitional stage in my life. I know something more has to happen, is happening, and yet I’m caught in the middle, unsure if I should try to fight the waves, or take a deep breath and dive right in. I have a feeling though, that I ought to be doing a little of both.

sunrise-1641780_640It’s like we’re pulled into the ocean, unable to escape its grasp. Terrifying and beautiful. It’s easy to get caught in the waves, to thrash around when the world is spinning out of our control and we don’t know what to do with ourselves, let alone everything and everyone around us. But I’m learning more and more that God is faithful.

I don’t know how long this will last, or what it will take to heal, but I know that I’m not in this alone.

Autumn is always a time of change, some things end, others begin. It’s scary sometimes to know that winter is right around the corner, and sometimes it’s hard to feel alive, sometimes it’s like walking in a daydream not knowing if we ourselves are as dead, and cold, and frozen as the falling leaves and snow around us. (Okay, it’s a little early for snow, but still…)

We don’t know where this road will take us, we don’t know where this journey ends. It’s all in embracing the new beginnings and staying strong, keeping faith, through it all, good or bad. Because God never leaves our sides. Through the calm, and through the storm, He is Lord.

Change And Chapters

autumn-194834_640It’s a season of new change and new chapters. We can’t always predict what will happen in life, and sometimes that’s a scary thing, sometimes it’s a beautiful thing. Either way, it’s probably for the best. I know that I wouldn’t always make the right choices if I knew where the choices would lead. I say that because I don’t like pain. I don’t like walking through seasons of struggle and trials, but each and every one of those teaches us something about ourselves and about others, and of the God we serve.

Sometimes we have to venture into that forest of the unknowns. Through the doubts and through the fears. Life doesn’t slow down for us. But God is faithful. Even hardships are used to help us grow. We don’t often see it as we’re going through it, but the looking back can help us see how far we’ve come from where we’ve been.

I think I tend to look forward so much that the looking back is hard. That’s why I so often feel like I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything. Not because I truly haven’t, but because when I’m just looking at my feet or the sky it seems I’m standing still, that nothing really changes.

Of course there are times that we see the moon and the stars, and time we see the glaring sun, but we still feel like we’re standing still. It’s not always as true as we believe it to be. And thank goodness that we’re not in control of that!

God has already written our stories, even if we don’t know the ending, or the middle, even if we feel like we’ve scarcely seen the beginning. Sometimes our stories don’t start with an inciting incident, at least not one that we notice. But we were born and brought into this world, and that in itself is a miracle. You are a miracle. Whether you see it right now or not.

God works all things together for our good. But His timing isn’t always ours. Can we stand and say that we find Him in the seeking, we find Him even in our doubt. We have hope in Him. Because nothing can surpass the love and goodness of our God.

Perfectionist Isolation

storm-1169895_640Will I ever learn to extend the same grace to myself that I so readily extend to others? Will I ever learn to let things go and forgive myself for all the ways I haven’t measured up? I tend to be really hard on myself. I have really high standards, and I don’t know what to do with myself when I don’t measure up to them. This is something I’m working on, very slowly, but it’s still a flaw. (See the perfectionism there? haha)

I like to think I’m a positive person, but this isn’t always the case. I have my days and my struggles just like anyone. And sometimes, I even like to point it out. I guess I figure that if someone else can extend grace and understanding to me, then they validate my worth and maybe I can extend a little of that to myself.

I know this is unhealthy. It’s completely unhealthy, yet I do it anyway.

Sometimes it’s hard to know the line between being honest and vulnerably sharing the face behind the mask, and when we’re just complaining or looking for attention.

I have a love hate relationship with that… I HATE being the center of attention, like absolutely despise it, it makes me super uncomfortable and I do anything I can to divert it from myself. This can be especially bad if I’m having a rough time and am talking with a friend who’s in a good place. I don’t want to bring them down, so I shut down and say that I’m okay and then throw the conversation back to them. I don’t want to answer questions about myself. I don’t want people to know that I’m struggling, and I don’t want to be “that person” who brings everyone down, always having some sort of sob story.

clouds-1031416_640Yet I know that the isolation only makes it worse. I do it to myself. I recognize this. It doesn’t have to be this way. I have a whole group of people who are ready and willing to support me and love me through any storm I face. So why do I continue to hide? I don’t have to hide.

There’s a crack in the sky. Through the clouds there comes a light. I’ve hidden in the darkness, and I’ve stood firm in the light of the truth. Depression thrives in isolation. Sometimes it’s a heavy burden and for many, many complicated reasons, it tends to want to keep us there. Sometimes we even take on its identity as our own. That’s when the true damage comes. We’re not ourselves and we know it. Then the guilt of being a fake, of not being who I say I am, the imposter syndrome, not feeling like I have a place or that I belong.

seaside-1149834_640It’s so easy to be caught up in low self-worth. But God doesn’t intend for us to live that way. We need to reach out. We need to stand above the clouds. We do not need to stay trapped by this thing forever. It has no hold on us, it just feels that way sometimes. We don’t need to hide anymore. We are free. We are not our mental issues. We are our hearts, we are our souls. And our souls are washed clean.


leaves-449622_640Ah, September. It’s my favorite month. I don’t know why really, I just love everything about it. the beginning of autumn, the late summer that slowly slips peacefully away. The beginnings of fall colors, fresh starts, new beginnings. I welcome it wholeheartedly.

There’s such a feeling of peace, hope, and contentment. Nothing can compare with it. Autumn’s my favorite season. Then again, maybe I just like changes. At the turn of each new season I seem to claim that this one is my favorite, but there’s something special about fall. It’s a magical time where anything can happen.

We step into other worlds, into celebrations of life and thankfulness for all that God has given us. We savor those last few summer days knowing that it will be a whole year until we see them again. They carry a sweetness unlike the earlier ones.

Autumn is a time of remembrance, of taking a deep breath and peacefully staying in that moment. Because for just a second, we realize that this moment is all we have.

forest-63275_640I love the colors, the smells, the tastes of the seasons. Deep, rich and warm colors, everything turns to a yellow, red, or orange, maybe some brown or golden yellow mixed in. The air relinquishes its humidity and gains that crisp scent. Pumpkin flavored everything. The beginning of soup season, and warm tea once again sounds comforting and satisfying. Cozy sweaters, warm blankets, boots and bonfires. I love it all.

I enter into this month with such a feeling of peace and hope and gratitude for all I have and all I’ve been given. I look forward to the coming months and the changes they will bring, yes, there’s still some fear and apprehension, but I’m ready to jump in.

What are your favorite things about fall?