Sometimes I feel isolated from the world. This morning I made the foolish mistake of looking up an old friend on social media. We used to be really close, talking every day, and seeing each other a couple times a week. I thought we’d be friends forever.
Things just drifted off. It didn’t end on bad terms, and we could probably talk and get along just fine. But we’re very different people.
I’m an INFJ, she’s an ISTJ.
Polar opposites. All eight functions switched around. Looking back I’m almost amazed that we were as close as we were. Not because of anything about either of our types in particular, but just because of how differently we approach life. It was good to have that perspective. And I miss her.
There was a video posted of her and her group of friends, half of them are people we went to high school with, and I can’t help but think — I’m not there. I thought I would be, but I’m not.
I wouldn’t exactly say that I’m isolated. I have good friends, close friends, people I can rely on and trust. But most (all?) of my relationships are singular, one-on-one. And I like that a lot of the time, it allows me to have a deeper and more personal connection within those friendships. It works for my introverted self and I find my relationships very satisfying. Yet I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out by not having a group of friends who does things together.
And I could have been part of that. Maybe. If I hadn’t moved. It was the right choice, and I don’t regret it, yet I’m still a bit sad about what I could have had.
I struggle so much with the concept of what I could have had, or should have had. And I know I need to find a way to come to terms with it. If I could go back, I can’t say that I’d change how things ended up, but there’s still a touch of sadness at that loss.
We’re distant now. And that’s okay. She has her life, and I have mine. I’m thankful for the friendships I do have, and I’m happy for her that she has that larger friend group community.
Sometimes, at least in theory, I want a group too. I’m just not sure how to find it.
Anyone else struggle with this? Do you have individual friendships, or a group dynamic? Are you happy with it? If you have both, which do you prefer?