Healing In Pain

piano rose

Sometimes God places a person in our life to pour His love through the cracks of our broken hearts. We don’t always understand the things we go through, but God still has a plan and a purpose. When we see that our pain has been used to help heal someone else, it somehow makes it worth it.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t want it to go away, I do, I’m still human. It’s just that maybe, in this darkness, there’s still hope, there’s still a reason for it. God didn’t just abandon me to these fears, He didn’t hand me over to be destroyed, but rather to grow and to help others to heal.

God is with us even in our darkest moments. Even in the blackest nights. Even when we can’t feel His presence. God is faithful. He uses us to create beauty and healing in a world that’s so broken and so desperately needs it.

I was reminded again recently by a very dear friend that the opposite of fear isn’t courage, it’s faith, it’s trust. I choose trust.

Through the pain, God leads us to find love.

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Morning

There’s just something about early morning that brings such a sense of hope and possibility. I love the golden glow on the trees and buildings, it’s like for one moment, even the sun shines on our level and blesses us with something beautiful.

There are so many things I could go into, but I kind of want them to just rest for now. I have a renewed sense of hope and of purpose. I am content. Though the nights may be black and seem all consuming, the sun will come out tomorrow. For that I am thankful, today and every day.

I’m Here – Free Writing

One day blends into another and I’m standing a week later, a month, a year… Time doesn’t make sense anymore. It hasn’t for a while, but it’s only now that I’m realizing just how far off it seems.

I sink into the dark, then come back up bobbing in the water. Up. Down. Then it starts all over again.

Some days shine brighter than others, some my light is dim, but it’s still there. I’m still here.

This time. This moment.

The sun peeks out over the horizon and cuts through the fog. My eyes are closed and I feel the warmth, the cool, all the conflicting things that don’t make any sense, yet somehow all come together to make me who I am.

Saturday Morning

sunrise-580379_1280

Here I sit. A smoothie on one side of my desk, a cup of hot tea on the other. Like two sides of me. Opposite directions, yet without pull or conflict; they exist together, but apart.

I want to learn to balance the different sides of me and combine them into one consistent whole. Part of that comes by being intentional and taking the time I need for myself. I’ve really struggle with that in the past, feeling selfish or overwhelmed with everything I need to do, but if I don’t take the time I need to reset and recharge, then I’m not giving my best.

I have a lot to do today, some work things and projects, things I mostly enjoy, but it’s nice to take a moment to breathe and relax on my own before jumping into the rest of life.

Today I’m calm and thankful. Though I may have thoughts that rush through my mind from time to time, I also have a wonderful support system and positive outlets for the bottled up feelings inside me.

It’s nice to take a moment now and then to not worry about anything. I have a difficult time being present in my life. That’s one of the things I want to be more intentional about this year. I’ve been doing pretty well with my goals/resolutions, I’m taking it one day at a time and I suppose we’ll see where it leads.

Do you have any resolutions this year? I’d love to hear about them in the comments. I hope you all have a lovely Saturday. 🙂

 

*Image From Pixabay.

New Chapter

Today I started officially rewriting an old book that just didn’t capture the world and characters I had envisioned. It’s an amazing feeling to step into another world and another mind. It’s like for a small moment of time, we step into another life.

This was the first novel that I completed. The feeling of it was just off. The characters weren’t right, the world was undefined, and it took something that was beautiful in my head and made it not so beautiful on paper. No matter how many times I’ve tried to edit or revise it, it’s just not working. So I’ve decided to try a new approach.

I’m starting at the beginning. No references. No notes. Just what’s in my mind and what my Ni wants to weave into the story. I’m also writing it on paper rather than on the computer. Writing has such a different feel that way. Half a page in and I’d already found depth and symbolism that was previously left out of the text that the story desperately needed.

I have that happy springtime feeling. (A little early, perhaps.) It’s a chance for new growth and I’m excited to see what begins to bud. It feels good to have a fresh start. A blank page and a world of possibilities.

Writing square

 

New Year

bridge train track

It’s a new year. Yesterday is behind us, tomorrow is ahead. I’ve welcomed 2016 with open arms. I feel more secure in this year ahead, as though all the ground that was crumbling beneath me has finally stopped and I’m standing on the edge, but finally on solid ground.

I know there will be struggles and difficult paths to traverse, but I am hopeful. I guess that hope is my solid ground. No matter how much the world around me crumbles, I’m beginning to find hope again. My security comes in trusting the One who holds me.

That hope is a little flicker of light that will guide me in the coming months, even in the darkness I trust that I’ll find light. There is hope for healing.

My word for this year is “Intentional.” I want to live more intentionally in every area of my life. I don’t want to do things out of fear anymore, I’ve done that for too long. I want to be intentional in how I spend my time and energy, what and who I have in my life… And everything else I do.

Happy New Year. Happy 2016. 🙂

Do you have a word to guide you through 2016? If so I’d love to hear about it in the comments. 🙂